I can't grasp the notion of putting my life on hold for a child. I never have. Even when I was trying to get pregnant some years back, I never considered not going back to work. My work is a huge part of who I am and frankly it keeps me somewhat sane. But that's me. Not everyone has the imprint to head back to the office once a child has entered their life.
Each has their own argument for why their way is better. No one way is right; no one way is wrong. Yet all of the women who argue about their way being better fail to recognize the lowest common denominator: they are all mothers.
They're fighting with words because it's not 'ladylike' to fight with fists. These women are passionate about their way being the 'right' way. Heaven help the poor soul that tries to tell a woman her way is wrong.
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I've noticed a lot of similarities between the working mom/stay at home mom argument and the different kinds of stepmoms. You have your Stepped Forward/engaged stepmoms, your Stepped Back/disengaged stepmoms, your PAS'd stepmoms, your 'cruel stepchild' stepmoms, grown children stepmoms, stepbaby stepmoms, teenage kid stepmoms, etc. All of us has our own reality and all of us believe we're in the right in our beliefs.I've noticed in a few online forums lately -- even my own -- that arguing has reached a fever pitch. There has been more name-calling, disrespect and animosity than a presidential debate. In some cases, there has ceased to be any respect for the other person or their reality.
Yet again, we have a group of women that have lost sight of the lowest common denominator: We're all stepmoms.
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I'm not a feminist; not in the Gloria Steinem sense of the word. I think trying to pit the 'haves' and the 'have nots' against one another has done more to ruin female solidarity than anything a man could have done. I think women, as a gender, should boost each other up. I think the Mean Girl/Female Bully mentality is also at a fever pitch and unless we have more women willing to stand up and say Shut the Fukc up to the mean girls then we're going to continue to see more infighting. I'm sick to death of hearing women call other women bitches, c*nts and any other variation of a negative word.
I'm done with the mean girls. They do nothing for me other than make me angry and I don't like being angry. I want to emit nothing but love, light and happiness. So consider this blog post my Mean Girl Manifesto.
I will no longer allow the name-callers and disrespectors to enter my space. Whether that space be my own stepmom community, my Facebook periphery or even my earshot. If I hear you tear another woman down be prepared to exit. The price of re-entry is steep.
I'm following the wisdom of my new found gurus (Mark and Angel)
Free yourself from negative people. – Spend time with nice people who are smart, driven and likeminded. Relationships should help you, not hurt you. Surround yourself with people who reflect the person you want to be. Choose friends who you are proud to know, people you admire, who love and respect you – people who make your day a little brighter simply by being in it. Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. When you free yourself from negative people, you free yourself to be YOU – and being YOU is the only way to truly live.
3 comments:
I agree. I am so tired of the birth mom bashing that seems to happen compulsively, as if certain stepmoms feel they have value only when they put down a BM. Just let it go, walk away, and be whole.
Amen! What a terrific post. I always thought that when bashing another it was truly a sign of low self-esteem. Cutting others down to make yourself feel bigger. Enough is enough. Out with the mean girls. I simply walk away.
I'm a stepmom to two and a mom to one (although, I have to say - raising my stepkids is a hell of a lot more work than raising my own kid). I stay at home and like it. When I was still working and raising the kids I felt like I was splitting my brain in half and frankly, would go to my job and wonder why I was there. I didn't love it that much. To the mothers who have a job they love enough to leave their kids for every day, kudos to you - I wish I had found a profession I loved that much. And to the mothers who go to work because financially, they have to - double kudos to you, you are the real hard-working heros.
I agree that the name calling is out of line. Everyone has their own circumstances, their own desires, their own choices they make for the needs of their own family. And it's no one else's place to judge. I learned that many years ago when I had an abortion - I couldn't understand all the political hoorah around the issue. If you don't like abortions, don't have one. If you don't want to be a working mom, stay at home. If you don't want to stay at home, go work. I think that it's those of us who feel "forced" into one situation or another that feel resentful and start name calling. Check out Byron Katie's 'The Work.'
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