Stepmom Stepback How To: Picking up after the kids leave

I get questions from time to time on the finer points of the Stepmom Stepback. In theory, the idea of stepping back from the chaos seems simple, but in practice there's a lot of little details to consider. A blog reader recently submitted a question about how to handle picking up after the kids leave and I thought it was worth sharing (with her permission of course). My response is below as well.

Q. You have described yourself as a clean freak. Now that you have stepped back, who cleans the house after the kids leave?  Did your husband suddenly start wanting to pick up the house before jumping on the plane?  I know that used to be an area of contention... is it less so because it's only 1-2 days a week?

My Answer:
It took me a few years to realize that the only one that really cares about the super organized clean freak tendencies in our house is me. It is essentially my issue if my husband or the kids aren't living up to my expectation. My husband and I both crave a sense of clutter-free calm in our house; among the talking we do about our finances and schedules, we also communicate about the state of the house. Could it be cleaner? Do we need to have the kids do more when it comes with cleaning their rooms? Something that I've gleaned about myself and my family during the stepping back process is that everyone has their own set(s) of what works for them.

Having their own set of personal cleaning rituals doesn't stop me from telling the kids they need to clean their room(s), make the bed(s), pick up their towels, etc. My husband and I are careful to remember what we were like at the kids' age(s) and we pick and choose our battles when it comes to cleaning up after one another.

As for my husband's propsensity to clean when he's home...our home is the place where he's most relaxed and part of his enjoying the environment is ensuring it isn't a mess. He's more likely than I am to sweep the floors or do the dishes. He usually tackles the chores that are meaningful to his happiness (clean floors and sink being two) while I tend to tackle the things that are meaningful to mine (uncluttered countertops, floors, etc.). We've found with the kids, the same approach works.

Do you have a question about the finer points of the Stepmom Stepback?  I'm not a therapist, just a girl that's done it and feels more content because of it. Send your question(s) to erin [at] erinexperiment [dot] com.