Relational Aggression: Are you the victim?

Will you do just about anything to avoid conflict with other women?

Do strong women intimidate you?

Have you stayed in unhappy relationships because you're afraid to change?

Do you fail to express your real feelings out of fear of the repercussions?

Has someone in your life spread rumors about you or told lies about you to pit people against you? 

If you said yes to most of these, my dear, I think you're the victim of bullying by way of relational aggression.


According to Cheryl Dellesega, Ph.D., in her book Mean Girls Grown Up, the most important step a woman can take to break free of being the target of relational aggression is to recognize it.

No woman should feel afraid to voice her real feelings or stay in a relationship out of fear of change. In a way, staying in those situations is a kin to abuse. 

As women, we're in a bind -- we tend to suffer in silence because we don't want to stress out our partners (or they won't listen) yet keeping in the emotions builds up into an unhealthy amount of stress. When it comes to keeping quiet, we're damned if we do, damned if we don't.

As it pertains to mom/stepmom relationships, Stepmoms tend to be on the receiving end of the bullying. If you recall from Relational Aggression: Are you the bully? Wednesday Martin notes "[Stepmoms] are often outsiders in their own homes, sometimes not sufficiently supported by their husbands on the homefront and in interactions with his ex, at least initially, and so much more vulnerable to relational aggression."

So what do you do if you're a victim of relational aggression?

Next up: How to handle a bully in your stepfamily