 |
| The November issue is now available |
The people in my hometown whom I was worried about snubbing me for the recent Halloween party did in fact snub me...then they proceeded to post pictures of the event on Facebook. Needless to say this past month, I was dropping f*bombs all over the place while I cursed the people who I thought had more respect for me.
I know myself well enough to know that I've been in a funk and this, too, shall pass. Rather than let myself be brought down by misery and anger, I've decided to focus on the positive.
The first recipient of my positive mental attitude is the blog itself. If you're reading this through a feed reader, you won't notice that I've spruced the pad up a bit. It's a tranquil shade of blue now which is befitting of my mood. I also found a great quote that describes the reason for my blog really well. (you can see that in the upper right hand corner). I'm also going to try to include more positive or inspirational quotes, stories, etc. on the blog. I think I've fallen in love with everything that the Quotables website has on it.
I'm also happy to say that I wrote a piece for the November issue of StepMom magazine. It's a timely piece because it has to do with What Happy Stepmoms Have in Common. If you're a subscriber and have read the article, I'd love to know what you think.
3 comments:
I've been having a rough go of it lately also. And reaching out for help has included the same sort of frustration that your article did ... you throw out your arms to the world, desperately saying, "what can I do?" and everyone gives different advice. The article says both, "love them like your own" and "recognize that they already have a mother." As if you can just say, "oh yeah, cue the love" when you're not feeling it.
I don't know. I wonder if I'm just through with asking for advice. Some people say break up with my BF, others say to try harder, others say stop trying so hard. You can do every single thing in that article - even the ones that contradict each other - and still the stepkids can hate you. Why? Because it's NOT ABOUT YOU. It's about the role you play as their father's partner, as their mother's target, as an adult influence in their lives. One woman wrote, "We’ve always been happy together and it didn’t take much work. I think we were all meant to find each other." Well goodie for you, but how the hell does that help ME? Do I walk away from the man I love because it's taking work and no one was "meant" to find me?
I'm so exasperated and nothing seems to help. On the contrary, there is so much advice to just ditch it all ... when *I* am the one who is the problem. They all got along just fine without me.
Kristen -- my heart goes out to you. I hope this doesn't deflate your hopes, but I've been with my husband for 8 years. Only in the past year did I finally feel like I'd figured out my role in this family. It took just as long to set up the boundaries for other people as well as myself.
I can say this much about advice: it's not one size fits all. I think that's why there are so many stepmom blogs that hit home to different kinds of women.
I'm a tried and true 'stepped back' stepmom. Something it took me 7 years to figure out is that trying to fit into a role just like my husband or his ex wasn't helping anyone. My over-involvement in things just wound up breeding resentment and anger all around. I stepped-back and loved it so much I coined the term "The Stepmom Stepback" and I advise it to just about everyone.
Though it work(s)ed for me, not everyone feels the same way I do about being a disengaged stepmom. I get as much pushback as I do praise for the advice.
I think, for me, it was a matter of finding the right formula of involvement yet self-preservation. It also took me this long to recognize I'm a hell of a good person and anyone that is going to treat me like shit doesn't deserve me.
First, love the new look of your blog.
I am sorry to hear you've had a rough time. I have said and will continue to say, stepmothering isn't for the faint of heart. Like you, I have stepped back. Way, way back and find it works best for me. Does my hubby miss my presence? Yes, but only because I was the one doing the brunt of the work. Now it falls to him. I do what I want to do in regards to his children, not what I feel I HAVE to do. Much better all around, especially for me. I was becoming very angry, bitter and resentful of their (meaning all of them) presence in my life.
I have learned also to let go of what others think of me. In my heart, I KNOW I am a good, kind generous soul. What the rest think is just that - their opinion, not fact.
Take care of YOU! Do what is best for YOU and the rest will fall into place. I read that the only thing we owe others is our happiness. Pretty powerful!
Love your blog!
Post a Comment