What my body angst and stepparenting have in common

Despite my efforts to be calm, cool and relaxed, I'm often fighting with myself. Mostly I'm fighting the urge to get up and do something rather than relax.

Lately, my fights have taken on a new twist and my body -- more specifically my metabolism -- has become the center of my wrath. I don't hate my body. I rather like that I have hips that put Shakira to shame and that I can climb up and sit atop a 12 foot pole at my pole dancing classes.

I loathe that my metabolism seems to have taken on a mind of its own. My body seems to attract everything but men and money and it refuses to relinquish any calories or fluids unless I've done insanely difficult things to it. It's sort of like those daughters you hear about that raid mom's closet for the best clothes and shoes only to purge mom of her hard-earned goods so that daughter can take the stuff for herself and then hold on to it for dear life.

Reading some of the step-relationships I've seen on Stepchicks and other stepmom sites, I'd say my body/metabolism and my brain are fighting like a hateful stepparent and stepchild would.

The metabolic angst is born out of pure frustration. I put time and energy into being a healthier person. I work out at least 4 days a week (Zumba on Tuesdays, Karate on Wednesdays and Thursdays, Pole Dance class on Saturdays) and still try to throw in some strength training and walks in my 3 non-class days. I stick pretty closely to a Mediterranean diet, I count and catalog every morsel that crosses my lips and I eat out maybe once a week. I meditate as often as I can and turn off the t.v. and read at 9 every night.

Yet the number on the scale has barely moved and it's seriously pissing me off.

I'm part of a contest at work to see which team (and person) can lose the highest percentage of weight over a 3 month period. Week after week, I'm constantly in second or third place and I hate it. It's as though my metabolism refuses to acknowledge that I'm trying to be healthy and so it stubbornly sticks its figurative feet in the sand and refuses to work. If my metabolism were my stepfamily I would have left it by now.

I know it seems like a stretch, but my body angst and the angst I read about from my fellow stepmoms seems very similar. We try -- hard -- to make things work and yet the other half doesn't seem to want to cooperate.

There is a somewhat controversial phrase I read about over and over when it comes to kicking a habit: you have to want to change. The movie the Wedding Date offers a similar sentiment: Women are single because they want to be.

Regardless of when (or to whom) the phrases are used, those notions sort of slap you in the face if you think about it. Who hasn't wanted to respond to those phrases with a "Why yes, self, I love being a fatty....." or a "Of course!!! I'm an angry stepmother because I want to be one!!!!"

Slap in the face or not, when I stop to think about it a little more I think there is some truth to those feelings. You do really want to have to change if you want to be a more content stepmom or a healthier person in general. It's not enough to do the bare minimum. You have to readjust your entire lifestyle and how you think about things.

I also agree with the notion that we are [angry/sad/overweight, etc.] because on some level we want to be. We find comfort in mutual aggravation. In terms of stepmothering, think of how many times you've felt a sisterhood with your fellow stepmoms because they've been through hell too. Heck, my entire blog is written on that feeling. What would happen if you chose not to feel aggravated? What if you decided to Hell with the hurt and the anger -- I'm going to be happy!?

I've never been to AA or any other fill-in-the-blanks-Anonymous, but I know that one of the steps is to  submit to something before you can move on. 

I'm not an expert in therapy, counseling or anything else life-changing but it seems to me that we all need to submit to something. For AA, submitting to something means you recognize that there is a force bigger than you and that you alone can not overcome it.

In Stepmomland, I think it might be helpful for us to submit to the fact that there is a family force that is bigger than each of us. We can continue to fight family demons all we want it but truth of the matter is, if you want a content and harmonious life, you have to change your outlook on things.

As for me and my metabolism...I submit to the fact that I'm getting older and that at 35 my body doesn't burn calories as quickly as it used to. I won't give up just because the scaled doesn't budge. I'll continue to work out, eat well and make lifestyle adjustments so that I'm at least healthier...

However, should the scale not budge at all over the next month, I reserve the right to investigate Lap-Band surgery and will denounce the ills of Midwestern living so help me Buddha.