I've been reading a few stepmom blog posts and articles recently particularly ones that talk about the struggles stepmoms face. While reading, I can't help but wonder how many stepmoms would choose their stepmom life all over again.
So I ask you, blog readers: Would you do it all over again? Would you marry your guy with the already-made family? Would you chose to get into a relationship with a man with kids?
Why or why not? Feel free to post anonymously if you're worried that someone might see your response and not like it.
9 comments:
Absolutely! Even with another nice long "processing" conversation last night about the whole feeling-like-an-outsider-in-your-family thing that involved much weeping on my part, I would do it again. I feel supported and loved by both my BF and the kids (well, more loved by them than supported, perhaps). True, it's a different relationship than they have with their mom and dad, but I definitely know they care. Plus, very little guesswork about the type of parent BF will be (and he'll be a great parent, because he IS a great parent), which is something that women who marry someone without kids can't always say.
At one point in time I would have said no. Then I made some changes within myself and how I dealt with issues within our step family and now I wouldn't change it for anything!
While there are days when I think I might pull my hair out, there are also days when I can't imagine my life any other way.
In the first year of marriage, I would have said no for sure, but now that I've pretty much figured out what works for me as Stepmom, yeah probalby. My husband is amazing; it's worth it just for that.
I am still in my first month of marriage so it would be wrong of me to say no, however, I will say that there were times before we married when they were over and I would think to myself "I could leave right now and never look back." Ultimately, the husband and I are working through the step issues but he is definitely worth making the effort for.
If kids weren't involved in this (if we hadn't had children together), after 15+ years of doing this, it'd be a big no. Not again. I'd not marry a man with kids (and that has more to do with his ex than his kids though now that the PAS has taken firm hold of my stepkids, they're not that pleasant to have a relationship with right now either). Years of PAS, years of her interference - no way would I do it again. I don't suggest to friends finding a man with kids unless his ex is dead or very emotionally stable with equal parenting. I love my husband and have for over 15 years, but...no.
Because we have kids, yes, I'd marry him again because we created four beautiful, great kids together. They're worth everything.
If our marriage was to end for some reason or he were to pass away, no, I would not date a man with kids. I'd run fast in the other direction, hanging on tight to my sanity.
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I would only comment if it could be annonymous.
Sandy -- if you want to email me the comment, I can post it --- or you can post anonymously. I'll let it get in :-)
I want to say yes, but the answer is no. I am 3 years into my stepfamily and while my anxiety lessens each time the 2 stepkids return, and I mostly get along with them, I have to admit that too much of my life is spent wondering how I got myself into this. I can't begin to quantify my extreme love for my husband and my desire to be with him, but the situation is such a thorn and a sadness to me, so many tears, so many arguments and confronting situations. I wouldn't walk away now that I'm already committed to our family, and I recognize that I must work on altering my attitude, but no, I would NOT do it again.
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