control, recovery and everything else going on in my world

I intended on writing several blog posts over the course of a few weeks near the end of 2010; however, my to-do list seemed to explode before my eyes and I wasn't able to get a good grasp on everything I wanted to talk about. I'm afraid I can only formulate half-thoughts at the moment (more on that in a sec) and so a blog post split into talking points seemed more adequate to get all of the stuff out of my head.

Surgery. I just had my tonsils taken out on Wednesday, Jan. 5. Can I tell you how much these suckers hurt to get out. YEOUCH! I'm on day 6 of the big fat tonsillectomy recovery and all I can say is holy shit balls this hurts. I often seem to be waiting for my next painkiller fix (a painkiller which has the lovely side effect of making me act like a half-brained loon), so I've been filling my time with comparisons and brighty, shiny thoughts.  On the bright side of this whole ordeal: I've lost 8 pounds in 6 days and people I love have been worried about me and taking care of me. Comparison-wise, I've decided having your tonsils removed is a lot like being a stepmom -- the ordeal hurts a lot in the beginning, talking can be painful, but in the end the whole shebang makes you a stronger person. 

Stepchicks. I love Stephicks. The site was an idea I crafted during a trip to Austin a few years ago a year after I'd miscarried. Once I ditched the fertility drugs and started focusing on something I knew well -- needing an online stepmom crashpad -- the site quadrupled in members. It ran on autopilot most of the time. That is until a few weeks ago, some non-desirables lied to get in the site and then used it to break people down (and up). I was pissed when I started learning about some of the stuff that had happened so I threw back the Oz curtain and went into ultra Protecto-Mode for the site. I did this, that and the other to make sure people on the site felt as protected as possible -- even if it meant spending the last 2 weeks of the year  -- including Christmas night, New Year's Eve and New Year's Day as well as the right before my surgery -- securing the stepfortress. When all was said and done, I'd suspended 1100 people from the site and held on closely to the 350+ members that had worked with me to remain on the site.

Sisterhood. I think the Stepchicks privacy situation as well as a number of conversations I've been in on the site as well as on the January 3 episode Stepmom's Toolbox Radio Show reminded me of how important it is to have a stepmom community or network to talk to. I know I couldn't have gotten through 2010 without my Stepmom 'Posse.' The words of encouragement and advice I received throughout the year made me such a better person I don't even know if I'd still be married or a stepmom without the "sisterhood."

Control. I've noticed a ginormous control theme in the past few weeks both on Stepchicks as well as through several Facebook conversation strings. As in, I don't have control of the situation; therefore everything will go to hell. I have to say ladies -- giving up control over what my husband, the kids and their mom are doing has made a huge different. Jaquelyn Fletcher really nailed it during the Jan. 3 episode I mention above when she advised to step away from all of the chaos for at least a week and focus on yourself. She also advised that as human beings -- whenever we find ourselves upset, frustrated, etc. over someone's actions we should focus on our own response (asking ourselves why we feel the way we do) rather than the other person's actions or response. In otherwords, in the wise words of my stepmom pal Peggy: "own your shit"

I am just that into me. Back when I could talk, my husband and I were having a conversation about what we both thought had changed for the better in us in 2010. I eagerly responded that I had finally figured out who I was; And who I was was someone that felt confident in herself and her decisions. I think for most of my 7 stepmoms years, I'd felt like a used dishcloth. I'd allowed myself to not matter. Once I started stepping back from the stepmom involvement, my confidence started building and I started to remind myself I do matter goddamnit! If not to my husband or the cats, than at least to me! Even now, I make dates with myself as a reminder, I am just that into me.

And, as I suspected, the 45 minutes it took to craft this blog post has sucked every ounce of energy I had out of me. It's time for this patient to go take a nap. In the meantime, drop me a line and let me know how you've been doing ladies!!! I've neglected this blog and for that I feel like worse crap...
xoxo