Tuesday, December 7, 2010
The downsides of the Stepmom Stepback
Such is the case this week with something with one of the kids and I confess that my heart feels sad and heavy that I was left out.
I've made no bones about the fact that my stepkids have a mom and a dad and that I'm not an accessory to be worn whenever the feeling strikes. I'm my husband's wife; co-parent to my stepkids when they're in his care. I'm not the babysitter, the nanny, the housekeeper or the chauffeur.
But stepping back has also meant stepping aside and not raising a fuss when something doesn't feel fair. I'm having a tough time wishing I was attending a Christmas program at the kids' school that I'm not attending because I wasn't invited.
Some friends have told me to just go to the event regardless of the invite. "You're just as much your stepkids' parent....."
Some friends have told me that my stepkid probably expects me there. I doubt that. I may be a warm body to snuggle with and hang out with but I'm not sure if the stars hang on my presence at a concert.
But my internal mom-respecter knows that if I was wanted there, I would have been asked....And I wasn't asked. I've helped rehearse songs and bought concert clothing, but no invitation or mention of what time the concert is or where.
Intruding would have been selfish on my part and I don't know that this is worth the battle.
But my heart hurts a little today as I know my stepkid has a concert I was left out of perhaps because I've chosen to step back from being a hyper-involved stepmom.
Ladies -- if you've stepped back -- have you had instances where you've sometimes regretted the decision? Would you become more involved to be more involved?
Labels: Stepmom Stepback