I confess: I have been a really shitty blogger lately.
I'm ashamed. Here I am, a supposed writer and I can't even formulate a few sentences more than once every three weeks.
Well, I suppose there has been good reason: I've been sick. I'm in possession of a mutant tonsil that wrought havoc on my neck, ears, swallowing abilities and just my overall ability to function. (Consider this a public service announcement: If you have a sore throat, get it checked out right away. I've basically had tonsilitis for 2 months and as a result my right tonsil expanded to twice it's size and obstructed my ability to breathe). The infection wiped out any energy I had which totally sucked. Not only have I not written, but I've gained back 3 pounds. Woe is me. I'm now on antibiotics which should annihilate the mutant. With my energy back, I also hope to be writing more.
Another reason I think I haven't been writing much lately is that I don't feel like a stepmom as much as I used to. My marital status hasn't changed and the kids are all very much alive and well; however, I don't interact with the kids like I used to. I get to see my stepdaughter on Wednesday nights for our Karate class and on the weekends, they are with my husband and I, but gone are the days where I'd see my stepdaughter after school and then my stepson a few days a week.
It's weird. I enjoy my alone time. Despite the tonsil, I've been happier and healthier since this new arrangement kicked in. I'm eating better -- and when my energy levels weren't so crappy -- I was working out more and I've really been enjoying my life.
Being happy that I'm alone more makes me feel like I'm not even a stepmom anymore -- or at least I'm a crappy one. It's sort of the Stepmom version of "if a tree falls in the woods." If a stepmom isn't parenting on a daily basis or doing typical marital things day-to-day, is she really a stepmom? Or is she a singleton in stepmom's clothing?
When the kids are with us on the weekends, you can usually find me watching Penguins of Madagascar during cuddle time with my stepson or popping into my stepdaughter's room for fashion advice. I also love game nights at the kitchen table on Saturdays and all that goes with our family time together. Those are the times I feel like a stepmom -- a good stepmom.
I'm conflicted about my own feelings. Is it normal to not feel like a stepmom when those which make you a stepmom aren't around?