I confess: I have been a really shitty blogger lately.
I'm ashamed. Here I am, a supposed writer and I can't even formulate a few sentences more than once every three weeks.
Well, I suppose there has been good reason: I've been sick. I'm in possession of a mutant tonsil that wrought havoc on my neck, ears, swallowing abilities and just my overall ability to function. (Consider this a public service announcement: If you have a sore throat, get it checked out right away. I've basically had tonsilitis for 2 months and as a result my right tonsil expanded to twice it's size and obstructed my ability to breathe). The infection wiped out any energy I had which totally sucked. Not only have I not written, but I've gained back 3 pounds. Woe is me. I'm now on antibiotics which should annihilate the mutant. With my energy back, I also hope to be writing more.
Another reason I think I haven't been writing much lately is that I don't feel like a stepmom as much as I used to. My marital status hasn't changed and the kids are all very much alive and well; however, I don't interact with the kids like I used to. I get to see my stepdaughter on Wednesday nights for our Karate class and on the weekends, they are with my husband and I, but gone are the days where I'd see my stepdaughter after school and then my stepson a few days a week.
It's weird. I enjoy my alone time. Despite the tonsil, I've been happier and healthier since this new arrangement kicked in. I'm eating better -- and when my energy levels weren't so crappy -- I was working out more and I've really been enjoying my life.
Being happy that I'm alone more makes me feel like I'm not even a stepmom anymore -- or at least I'm a crappy one. It's sort of the Stepmom version of "if a tree falls in the woods." If a stepmom isn't parenting on a daily basis or doing typical marital things day-to-day, is she really a stepmom? Or is she a singleton in stepmom's clothing?
When the kids are with us on the weekends, you can usually find me watching Penguins of Madagascar during cuddle time with my stepson or popping into my stepdaughter's room for fashion advice. I also love game nights at the kitchen table on Saturdays and all that goes with our family time together. Those are the times I feel like a stepmom -- a good stepmom.
I'm conflicted about my own feelings. Is it normal to not feel like a stepmom when those which make you a stepmom aren't around?
Discuss...
6 comments:
I havent seen my stepdaughter in 2 months, and I wont see her till Thanksgiving, and only for a few days. I dont feel like a stepmom either. Long distance will do that to you.
Kate
www.idreamloudly.com
I'll be honest with you here, but I never feel like a stepmom. We have the kids 50/50 with their mom, so I see them a lot, but I still don't feel like a stepmom. What should a stepmom feel like though, really? Maybe it's different for everyone.
Bottom line, I don't think you are a bad person for enjoying your alone time. I'm a very independent person, always have been, and I enjoy my alone time too. I think it's what keeps us independents sane!
I haven't seen my stepdaughters in 3 years due to alienation. My husband hasnt seen his girls in 2 years.
Most days I don't feel like a stepmom at all, although I am a biomom, and still have a motherly role. I generally only feel like a stepmom when my SD's call or email & are nasty towards or about me... then I am reminded that I'm the "evil" woman who their daddy married... ugh.
I see my steps every other week and I never feel like a stepmother. I love my alone time and am very independent. When they are here, I am not. They dislike me, so I find other ways to entertain myself and others who enjoy my company.
I used to feel just awful, riddled with guilt, but now I just feel relief.
I think your current schedule is the normal schedule for most stepmoms, and may still be more than most. once a week and EOW are the standard visitation orders in my state.
When my stepdaughter is not with us, I feel like we are DINKS. We hang out, eat out, act spontaneously have a pitcher or margaritas, walk around naked - it's the best of both worlds.
I think for most stepmoms, "part-time mom" is normal. Your only mothering part of the time.
No guilt about feeling positive and good about being with my husband when the kids aren't here, which is more and more often now that the youngest is almost 15. Had a brief time of feeling like something was missing, but recognized it as part of the transition.
My sticky place has always been the transitions from couple to family and from family to couple. It takes me awhile to shift to the family situation and then I always have a lot to process after they are gone so that takes me a day or so. But it's getting easier every year.....now not nearly so many ripples 6 years into the forest.
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