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| Photo: Microsoft Clipart |
However, with my oldest stepkid starting high school this year, I can't help but notice the feeling that I'm ready to be an empty-nester. It's as though high school has become the gateway drug to a life of peaceful, quiet togetherness my husband and I dream about.
While some people have fantasies about Bradley Cooper, I fantasize about waking up with my husband on a random Thursday, reading the paper, drinking some coffee and going for a nice long walk without having to worry if the kids are okay back at home.
I'm ready to not have to worry about the little things. I'm ready to talk to my stepkids on the phone and ask how dorm food is. I'm ready to show up for Parent's Weekend of College of Choice University and down a cold one with my now legal stepchild. I'm ready for it to be just my husband and I.
And because I'm hungry for coupledom and solitude, I feel like I must be a wicked stepmom. I worry that I shouldn't feel this way. I worry that people will read this and think "Good GOD -- WHAT A BITCH! She doesn't want those kids around!!!!"
That couldn't be farther from the truth. My stepkids are the cat's pajamas. They're great kids whom I lucked out in getting to parent.
If I could do some arm-chair analysis right now, I think it has more to do with my husband and I getting along fairly well right now and my wanting to spend time with him to hone that bond we seem to have going. Like every other blended couple, we never had that "just us" time and because of his work schedule, we have even less of it. While most couples can hire a sitter for a mid-week "date night" my husband and I can't. We jam as much family togetherness as we can into our 36 hours together so that it lasts until the next week (or two) until we see him again.
I don't mind the family togetherness...I enjoy game night, post-karate demonstrations and Stepmom's Special Sunday Morning Lemon Sugar-Cookie Pancakes. They're traditions I don't want to give up. I just wish we could fast forward past high school and into college -- where everyone is on their own and less dependent on one another.
Back to my main point, being am I a wicked stepmother because I want my husband all to myself? Am I living up to Hollywood's expectation of a stepmom that looks forward to the kids being away at school?
Help!
7 comments:
You are not a Wicked Stepmother. If you are, then I'm right there with you. My step-daughter lived with us last year, her mom picked her up only on extended weekends & vacations. She spent the summer with her mom, which I was grateful for. She just entered 7th grade, holy heck, what a dilemma we got going on here. Back talking, head/eye rolling, talking under the breathe. I don't even know when her mom is picking her up next. I can't wait for that break. Am I wicked?? Oh yeah, and I'm 16 weeks pregnant with all this drama.
Absolutely NOT! As the BM to two girls and the SM to two others, rest assured wanting those who share your house to leave is not only natural it is healthy! If done correctly, parenting means raising your children to be self-sufficient and able to be functioning adults in the real world. Both of mine are in college and I love it as do they! It was certainly time and let me tell you, there will be one heck of a smile on my face and joy in my heart when the other two leave. I live for the weeks when my husband and I have no children with us. Truth be told, he does too!
Let go of the guilt. You are normal and healthy. Take a trip to the mall, the beach but NO more guilt trips!
Hugs to you...
Of course you're not a wicked stepmom. Even though I'm not yet an official one, I know that this feeling must be natural. It's also nice to hear(read) someone else saying it. I would never ever give up my soon-to-be stepson, because he has become my everything, but there are days when I wish my love and I had more time to ourselves. However, we are very lucky to have a Mimi and Poppop who are more than willing to take him off our hands for a day. Don't feel guilty... you're just being honest.
You're not a bitch because you want time alone with your husband, especially since you never see the man!!!! That would be like saying looking forward to date night (in a "non-commuting" relationship) makes someone a bitch.
A step + business-commuting marriage has LOTS of issues: no "just us" time in the beginning of the marriage AND limited time together because DH travels for business. Honestly Erin, I don't know how you make it work because I would go insane!!
Wanting the kids to leave the nest is natural, but something not alot of women are willing to say out loud because of the labels that get attached. But isn't raising adults and pushing them out of the nest what we're supposed to do?
I think it is tough for us StepMothers. We meet our partners when they have kids already. We miss out on those years 'pre-kids' when it is just the two of you. I think we have to relish the opportunity to be 'just the two', a real couple, when the kids are all grown up, rather than before they turn up.
I find it really tough when SD comes to stay with us. We go from being the two of us to all of a sudden a mini-family and the re-adjustment, even for a weekend, is a crazy whirlwind for me. 3 and a bit years on in my own step-family arrangement, I'm still struggling!
I think it is tough for us StepMothers. We meet our partners when they have kids already. We miss out on those years 'pre-kids' when it is just the two of you. I think we have to relish the opportunity to be 'just the two', a real couple, when the kids are all grown up, rather than before they turn up.
I find it really tough when SD comes to stay with us. We go from being the two of us to all of a sudden a mini-family and the re-adjustment, even for a weekend, is a crazy whirlwind for me. 3 and a bit years on in my own step-family arrangement, I'm still struggling!
There's nothing wrong with you Erin. My personal take is that you are placing far more weight on the stepmom role and the expectations that go along with it. Remember, just be you and the rest is gravy.
FYI - the word verification I have to use is so appropriate, "copen" as in we're co-penning an article for StepMom Magazine! YAY!!
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