I contribute to another online mom community (that isn't Stepchicks). Someone recently asked a question about getting preventative mastectomies and ovary removals if you have a genetic predisposition to cancer. My response probably shocked a few people. I said I'd rather get my standard screenings and not get my breasts or ovaries removed in the off-chance that I could have cancer.
A couple of the moms responded that they'd get the removal and that they'd want to live for their kids.
I couldn't help but respond that I'm willing to accept my own death, how ever it may come, and that everyone would be fine without me.
I'm pretty sure there would be sadness. My mom, dad, stepdad, sister and husband would be this close to devastation. I think a lot of my friends would miss me and my stepkids probably would too.
I've lived an amazing life so far. I've traveled and done great things; I've loved and been loved. Not having birthed my own children, I am not leaving behind children whose worlds would be devastated if I was gone. My stepkids have two parents. I think the kids would miss me but they'd move on.
Same with my parents. My mom and stepdad have two other kids. They raised me well and have two 16 year olds that have plenty of life left to live.
Before anyone thinks I'm about to do something crazy -- I'm not. I'm just self-aware enough to know that I've made enough of a difference to go to my own version of heaven -- whatever that may be -- when the time comes.
I think what's getting to me is that I'm not anyone's one and only and I think that makes me a little sad.
Call it the birthday blues or missing Serotonin in my bloodstream, but the question on the site combined with winter doldrums and what I believe might be a mental wollop about to hit me upside the head, has gotten me to thinking.
4 comments:
Erin,
I have had breast cancer and I lost my left breast to the cancer beast. When going through all the pre-surgery *stuff* my dad wanted me to have my healthy breast removed, too.
"Why Dad?"
"Just in case"
"In case of what?"
"In case it comes back," he said.
"I'm not having unnecessary surgery on something that doesn't exist in my right boob."
The ONLY thing I regret about the surgery is that I had my healthy side uplifted and reduced from a C to a B. Why? I admit, it looked GREAT. But then I gained some weight...and boobs are mostly fat. The right side bounced up to a C again...and the left side will always be a B.
I think I need to swap my B implant for a C. A matching set would be a good idea right now =)
But as for the hypothetical questions...don't even worry about it. A pre-dispostion to something may load the gun, but it doesn't pull the trigger. Changing your lifestyle habits are way better and cheaper than losing body parts in unnecessary surgery.
Just my two cents.
I don't feel like I'm anyone's one and only either. I love my husband very much and I want to feel like I am that person for him, but he's made it clear to me that I'm the expendable one. He would miss me, but life would certainly go on as long as he has his children.
And I'm happy with my "girls", small as they are, at least they are mine. Here's to hoping they stay healthy!
My Mom had breast cancer, and her Dr. recommended that she have a double mastectomy. She is glad she didn't, because she got a second opinion and that Dr. disagreed. Instead she had a lumpectomy, and has been cancer free for 15+ years. Instead of having them both removed, I would be more vigilant about self checks and testing.
As far as being expendable, I know how you feel. I know my husband would be sad, but be would move on. It wouldn't be devastating to him.
I find myself feeling like that at times as well. I would be devasted if something happened to my soon to be husband. It would be terrible. However if something happened to me I am pretty sure he would move on or just be glad his son was ok. Whenever we watch shows or hear of someone losing a loved one I think of him and he often says, I do not know what I would do with my son." I know he loves me dearly but his child for whatever reason takes that position. Its hard for me because my parents would not want to lose eachother. They are eachother's one and only....I wish if the BF did feel like that he would voice it more often.
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