I contribute to another online mom community (that isn't Stepchicks). Someone recently asked a question about getting preventative mastectomies and ovary removals if you have a genetic predisposition to cancer. My response probably shocked a few people. I said I'd rather get my standard screenings and not get my breasts or ovaries removed in the off-chance that I could have cancer.
A couple of the moms responded that they'd get the removal and that they'd want to live for their kids.
I couldn't help but respond that I'm willing to accept my own death, how ever it may come, and that everyone would be fine without me.
I'm pretty sure there would be sadness. My mom, dad, stepdad, sister and husband would be this close to devastation. I think a lot of my friends would miss me and my stepkids probably would too.
I've lived an amazing life so far. I've traveled and done great things; I've loved and been loved. Not having birthed my own children, I am not leaving behind children whose worlds would be devastated if I was gone. My stepkids have two parents. I think the kids would miss me but they'd move on.
Same with my parents. My mom and stepdad have two other kids. They raised me well and have two 16 year olds that have plenty of life left to live.
Before anyone thinks I'm about to do something crazy -- I'm not. I'm just self-aware enough to know that I've made enough of a difference to go to my own version of heaven -- whatever that may be -- when the time comes.
I think what's getting to me is that I'm not anyone's one and only and I think that makes me a little sad.
Call it the birthday blues or missing Serotonin in my bloodstream, but the question on the site combined with winter doldrums and what I believe might be a mental wollop about to hit me upside the head, has gotten me to thinking.