Stepmom Magazine.The article was on a topic near and dear to my own Stepmom heart: Role Ambiguity and Stepmoms.
In writing the article, I contacted several members of the Stepmom Posse. Each of them had different words of wisdom; however, they all agreed on one very important piece of advice: Do what makes you comfortable.
It's been my own experience, as well as countless other stepmoms whom I talk to on a daily basis, that trying to figure out what makes you comfortable can sometimes be uncomfortable.
As stepmoms, we are both fortunate and unfortunate to select the role we want to play in our stepfamily. Some stepmoms prefer the "leave the parenting to mom and dad" approach. Others join in the revelry in a sort of "Assistant Mom" role. There are countless stepmoms who have chosen to disengage all together and have very little contact with their stepchildren and their stepchildren's mother.
I think what might be difficult for a lot of us Stepmoms is that we want to try to make everyone like us while simultaneously trying to make everyone happy. Most stepmom books remind us that this is a nearly impossible task. Or, if you have accomplished it, you've exhausted yourself and are likely to start resenting everyone around you fairly soon.
If you're stuck in the uncomfortable position of trying to figure out what makes you comfortable, it might be worth some self-introspection to figure out what would ultimately make you comfortable. Do you really wish you were responsible for less of the parenting? Do you really wish you had more parental responsibilities? Would you be more comfortable if you maintained no contact whatsoever with your stepkids' mom?
Once you've figured out what will ultimately make you comfortable, you'll need to begin the adjustment process. Like anything that's really good for you, you're likely to endure some discomfort along the way. I plan to discuss that discomfort and how to get past it in an upcoming post.