The other day, while driving home from a doctor's appointment, my stepkids and I got into a conversation about Heaven and Hell.My stepkids are Catholic. They go to religious education classes with their mom, cousins, and other grandkids, etc.
My husband is an atheist. He believes in the flying spaghetti monster (FSM) while I am spiritual but not religious. I believe there's something bigger than me but I can't say it's a thing called God. I've been to vacation bible school and just about every kind of religious worshiping place there is during my 33 years on earth. I'd like to think I know enough to be helpful but not dangerous.
I can't remember how the conversation started, but I do remember my stepson, who is 8, saying he was going to where the devil is because he hasn't always been a 100% perfectly behaved boy.
My response to him was tender but spiritually honest: "Personally, I believe Heaven and Hell are places we create as living beings and when we die, the kinds of lives we've lived will be the kind of Heaven or Hell we live in after we die."
It wasn't scientific, but I was driving in the pouring rain and their Dad wasn't around.
Now I see by the kids' mom's Facebook posts that my stepson has been asking more questions about Heaven and Hell. In fact, when I mentioned something about Hell on Halloween, he seemed scared and told me he didn't want to talk about it.
So now I'm scared. I personally don't think I'm going to Stepmom Hell, but did I mess up by imparting my own opinion on my Catholic Stepkids? I know my husband would want me to encourage them to think critically which is why I told them about my own belief. My stepdaughter seemed to appreciate my individual approach to the afterlife, but my stepson was -- and still seems -- scared.
I've never grown up particularly religious. When my mom and Father divorced, I swore my Mom and I visited every kind of house of worship there was before settling on spirituality. I've never understood or agreed with the notion that I needed to be at a certain place at a certain time to communicate with a deity. That's just not how I roll.
There are so many other times I cross the Stepmom/Bio-Parent line because of our living situation that I can't tell if I am now going to Hell or not because of what I told my stepson.
Any descenters or agreeers? Am I going to hell in a hand basket now?
10 comments:
I was raised catholic and come from a large family of die hard Catholics. My mom converted when she married my father. I have always believed in a God or higher power but as I have gotten older, I frequent the Catholic Church less and less. Not because I have lost my faith per say but I too agree in order to be spiritual I do not need to attend church every Sunday. I know plenty of people who claim to be very religious and quite honestly they are not good people. Going to church does not make you a good person, being a good person makes you a good person. I think what you said was just fine, you are giving them different perspectives, you did not denounce their mother's religion, you simply gave your point of view and I think you did great!
I would like to believe when I have kids of my own someday I might frequent going to church more, I think parts of it were great for me growing up but only time will tell.
I think what you said was ok. Its not like you are forcing them to make a choice, or shoving your beliefs down their throats. There is no way for them to know what they do or dont believe unless they are exposed to other peoples beliefs, and then can think about it for themselves. I was "raised" Catholic, but haven't been to Church or Sunday school since I was in 4th grade. I now realize I don't truly believe what the Catholic Church believes, but that was because my mom gave me the freedom to be curious about other religions, and wasn't fanatically religous.
I think you gave a very reasonable answer and don't think you are going to hell LOL!
I would be curious as to where your stepson is getting his "hell" information. From what I remember of my church days, Catholics don't typically spend time talking about hell. It's all about confessing and being repentant. I wonder if there is one particular person who has scared your stepson with the concept of hell? I honestly think it probably less about a religious thing and more of a separation anxiety kind of thing. Life without his/her family is a very scary thing to anyone, but especially an 8 year old.
Anonymous,
You raise a good point. I'm not exactly sure where his statement came from. Like I said, we were driving home and somewhere in conversation he had mentioned he was afraid he was going to where the devil lives because he hadn't always had perfect behavior. His sister and I assured him he would most certainly go to Heaven and that takes horrible things to go to Hell; that's what prompted me to mention my own viewpoint.
Erin - i think you did just fine! but if you still find yourself going to hell, give me a call and I'll join you. :-)
FYI (because I don't have your email handy at work), I got your email. I'll be uploading info to Diva Toolbox. This week and send you more info on getting folks to sponsor our radio show!!
I don't think you're going to Stepmom hell. You told him about your personal belief on the matter, and, IMO, that's not crossing a bio/step-parent line. When I get questions about stuff like that, I answer the same way - letting them know that this is just what I believe.
Erin,
You didn't overstep your boundaries. You let him know what YOU believed in. Its important for him to know that there are many different beliefs in the world and to be tolerant of them. That is what will help send a responsible, compationate adult into the world, and heaven knows we need more people like that!
Mom2
Not sure how it would scare him. Wonder if he heard something different than what you meant. When I ask my stepkids to repeat back what they heard, it's completely different or missing some pretty major elements. And what you said probably came out differently in his 8 year old head.
They should also learn that people, all different kinds of people, believe different things. They will hear all kinds of different beliefs. If they're scared everytime they hear something different, they're in for a scary life!
I don't think you're going to hell. :) Explaining what you believe to your stepchildren is part of growing together. You didn't force them to participate in a religious activity against their own beliefs, you simply explained what you feel.
I think it's okay for your stepson to be scared as well. It sounds like he is starting to make some decisions about his own beliefs. His being scared doesn't reflect poorly on you in any way.
Post a Comment