Ask Erin: How much is too much when it comes to chores with my stepkids?

Dear Erin,
I would like to sit down with my husband this weekend and work on a chore sheet for my stepkids. I'm getting tired of being the "maid" of the house and not having any help. How many chores is too many for an 8 year old? 
Signed,
Tired Stepmom

Dear Tired,
I ask myself this question nearly every day. The kids are with me from the time they get home from school (and when I pick up the youngest) until their mom gets them around 7 p.m. As part of the House Rules, homework is to be accomplished first; then chores second; then if the kids have time to watch t.v. or play on the computer they're free to do so.

Getting the kids to do their chores has taken some work. But then again, I know it took a lot of work for my own stepdad to get me to do my chores. Even at 14, I hated that I had to do them so I guess I have to remember that won't change, especially for my 13 and 8 year old.

A lot of people will tell you that for every chore chart you have, you should also have a rewards chart. In some ways, I agree with this. I think it's important for kids to not feel like slaves, but I also feel like kids -- step or not -- should remember everyone has responsibilities in the house, not just them. If we all needed a rewards chart based on what we did around the house, then Stepmoms would probably always be in spas while Dads spent their days in their man caves.

Here are a few ideas on how to get kids to do chores around the house:

• Make a list of chores that need to be done around the house. From cleaning the windows to sweeping the floors to putting away laundry, make it a long enough list so that you, your stepkids and your spouse can divvy things up. 
• Divvy up the chores, letting your stepkid(s) choose what chores they want to do but make sure everyone gets equal numbers of chores. If they get a choice, it will seem less like the wicked witch told them they had to work for their supper. 
• Write the chores down and post them in a public space. We have several copies of our chore chart around the house -- in the kitchen, upstairs near the bedrooms, in the laundry room.
• If you and the kids' mom get along, you can always work on a chore chart together. The chore chart we have in our house was actually based off of what the kids' mom has them doing at her house. We kept things consistent across both houses. 
• If you and the kids' mom don't get along, make sure your husband knows the chores are a major issue  and this is a boundary you're setting for your own sanity. If he shrugs or says he can't change anyone, then reconsider the marriage (I'm just sayin')
• Use allowance. Some people disagree with this measure, but I've always found the power of money will woo people into doing just about anything. 
  
• When in doubt, start small and let the kid(s) see you doing chores too. Ask polietely  if they'll help you with something (like taking the trash out while you're making dinner). Make sure you say thank you and let them know that was helpful to you. I remember when I was a young stepkid, what I hated was feeling like the family slave. What made me want to do more chores was a) allowance and b) when I felt like I was appreciated. 

Any other suggestions for our dear reader? Feel free to comment below.
Also, if you have a question you'd like to have asked, you can email me at erin [at] erinexperiment [dot] com