As you may recall in Stepmom's House Rules (part 1), I outlined the recent house rules I'd created for the family.
The rules weren't too laborious. I wasn't demanding foot rubs on Sundays or hand sewn garments to be delivered to my boudoir every morning. I had established -- in print and not just verbally -- a set of guideposts similar to what every employee in America has gotten used to in their own jobs.
I'm sure I'll catch some flack for this, but it's my belief that at the root of every family is a business-like structure. You have the head honchos and the employees. The head honchos shouldn't really make huge decisions without checking with the other and the employees are free to learn, grow little wings and fly the coop to start their own businesses whenever they please.
I'll admit, I was a little taken aback by some of the comments yesterday. The root of most of the comments were to make the kids feel respected and to give them some power in the equation.
Last time I checked, I was the parent here. I'm all for not making my family not feel like they're staying at Abu Ghraib but if I'm letting the kids call the shots, isn't that like letting them be the parents while I sit in the corner wondering when I lost control?
From Stepmonster to The Career Girl's Guide to Being a Mom -- even Izzy's Package Deal memoir, every 21st century Stepmom book I've read reminds me of the importance of creating a list of house rules. In fact, no Stepmom should be caught without one.
Stepmoms, like their bio-mom counterparts, often get stuck as the family do-it-all'er. Why? Because the woman of the house didn't have the balls to make a set of rules and stick to it.
Call it removing a notch on my people please-itis bedpost but I'm at the point where I don't care if my husband and kids are upset with me because their laundry didn't get done that week. I frankly hope I get the chance to bag up a set of Legos or hair accessories for Goodwill just so I can prove how serious I am about getting everyone's help around this house.
One of the themes of the comments was about respect for everyone in the house. What about the respect for me? Because I'm the Stepmom, do I not deserve respect either? To heck with that. I deserve to be respected just as much as the rest of the family.
I will no longer allow the people of my house to treat me like the resident maid/butler/chef/laundry do-er/responsibility picker-upper. I stand by my rules and will keep you posted with the progress.
Now excuse me....I have a wicked witch broom I'd like to take out for a spin.
7 comments:
Good for you!! Your post has me inspired to pull out that list I made and just tell them all this is how it's going to be. I guess the inner people pleaser got the best of me, and I've been suffering the consequences. Lately all I feel like is the glorified baby-sitter & maid. Oh...and an extra bank because now more than just one parent works (bm doesn't work, dad works several jobs and now there is me)
Your repect is earned just like the kids respect is earned. If you DO NOT pick up after them or DO NOT respond when they didn't plan ahead and quietly enforce the rules you WILL be repected for standing behind what you require without being a nag about it.
Yay for you!!! Kids are kids. They should get input when it's trivial things like what movie to watch. They don't get to have an opinion when it comes to house rules. Rules of the house are learning tools for when they go out into the real world and have to abide by the rules of society. Not only are you keeping your peace of mind, but you are doing a huge favor for them and the rest of the world if they don't go out into their adult lives with a sense of entitlement like so many of today's youth have.
you miss the point of letting the kids give their input. They give the input and you take in under advisement. You're still the boss (parant) it just works so much better if they feel that they have some input. If you follow the rules you've set out (which are wonderful by the way), have sane consequences without alot of hyperbaly you'll be amazed at how much less stress you have and how much more peaceful the household is.
Anonymous #3,
The kids have plenty of input in the running of the house and always have. The chores each of them do were chosen by them from a list of things around the house that need to be done. The "rule" about respect stems from everyone -- including the kids -- voicing input on wanting to be treated with respect in this house. Kids were slamming doors in the others' face, little brother was charging into big sis's room without asking, etc.
The kids have provided input and I, as the parent, have heeded it and put it into a list of "rules" or boundries, which I'll get into in an upcoming post.
now it makes sense. You go girl!
Anonymous 3
Erin,
You are so on the right track.
At one time I had "House Rules" and "Children's Rights" posted on my fridge. I made it very clear to Junior that his dad's and my responsibilities towards him were to provide a roof over his head, clothes on his back, food on the table, and access to education. Everything else was a privilege that he had to earn.
You don't do X, then you don't get Y. It's that simple.
And BTW, I make Junior do his own laundry. I leave the laundry open every Tuesday for him. His clothes. His responsibility.
If you like the book you are reading, you'll like Melodie Beatty.
xo
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