New Feature! Ask Erin: Should I Start a Stepmom Blog?

There's a line in Sex and the City that Samantha tells Smith Jared immediately after he's posed for an underwear ad that he's a little unsure of. It goes something along the lines of "First the gays, then the teens, then Hollywood." Soon after he's hit on at bars by guys, teen girls flock to him and Gus van Sant asks him to be in a movie.

While I'm not hoping for Hollywood stardom (although Mr.'s Columbus, Spielberg, Hanks, etc. I'd be willing to write a screenplay of my life if you want...) my blogging experience has had some similarities. First I received emails from readers and then a troll dropped in... (Not sure what's next -- maybe my own radio show or a book deal? A girl can hope!)


Save for the occasional pity pot post, I don't like to consider myself a Debbie Downer very often. I'm almost a pro at turning lemons into lemonade so I've decided to turn some of the questions I receive into a new series on the Erin Experiment.

Called Ask Erin, as you may have guessed, you send in a question and I'll do my best to answer it. In fact, I have my first question already. Yey!

---

Dear Erin, 
I'm thinking of starting a stepmom blog. I'd like to reach out to other stepmoms like you have but I'm not sure if I should a) do it or b) what sort of "rules" (if any) I should have to protect my privacy and my family's. Any suggestions?
-- Possible Stepmom Blogger
Dear PSM --
Whether or not you choose to do a stepmom blog is obviously up to you. I've found more friends online via my blog than I ever would have in person.

If you're itching to blog but aren't sure what kind of content to post, start with what you love or know. That makes it easier to come up with posts.

If you choose to write about your stepmomhood, consider the following:

As for my blog and what I do and don't say, I've gone back and forth over what to reveal. After numerous conversations with my husband about who or what I reveal (the whole reason I am a stepmom is because of his DNA and his former marriage so I do ask for his input on some level), I've created the following blogging philosophy for myself:

• I no longer reveal my entire name on the blog or URL. My Erin Experiment name was due to the blog's original intent of being my digital playground. It sort of turned into a stepmom blog once I was contemplating getting pregnant and dealing with some of life's little stepmom aggravations. By the time I bought the erinexperiment URL, it was so engrained as a The Erin Experiment that I didn't want to change the name just to put a "Stepmom" moniker in there.
• I don't reveal the names of my stepchildren and try to shy away from my husband's name or specific things about them.Unless my husband brings something up in a comment (like he had recently), I tend to be very general about everyone in my family.
• I also don't use monikers or pseudonyms for anyone. My real name is Erin and my husband's name is Aaron. I don't reveal my stepkids' or their mom's name at all. They are my daughter/stepdaughter; my son/stepson; kids' mom/bio-mom. I have a hard enough time keeping people's names straight in person. I don't need to add nicknames to the mix!
• The only really personal things I reveal are about myself. My depression, my frustrations, etc. I don't apologize for any illness or emotions I have and I'm willing to stand up for myself if someone takes it personally.
• If people want to know more about me or get to know me more, they can follow me on Twitter on friend me on Facebook or they can email me. 

A few more things to consider:

• Should you tell your husband about the blog? That's really up to you. My husband rarely reads my blog mostly because he doesn't want to know if I'm saying bad things about him in it which is another thing I shy away from. I know plenty of stepmom bloggers whose husbands not only don't read but don't know they even have a blog.
• Should you tell your stepkids/bio-mom about the blog? Again, that's up to you. My stepkids know I blog but I'm not sure they know what it's about. I don't even think they've been to the site. I'm not even sure if their mom knows I blog about being a stepmom. I tend to keep it hidden from them for my own sanity.
• What if I have something I really want to talk about but don't use real names or don't want to reveal too much? I highly advise using the "I know somebody who...." or "There's someone in my life who..." approach. I've used it on my own blog many times -- a lot this year, in fact. Either that or be incredibly general. If you've read this blog most of this year, you'll know I've been writing about a stepkid who has a health condition. Or I'll write about the Husband and that he travels for work.
• What about trolls or mean comments? Honestly, I've been writing this for almost 3 years and I just received my first troll this weekend and I'm fairly certain I know how she found me (for the record, I'm fairly certain it was from a comment I left on the Stepfamily Letter Project in response to a commentor's need to grow up. I think the original commenter was my troll.) Regardless, you'll probably have thick skin already from being a stepmom, so it helps when it comes to blogging. It's all up to you on how much you reveal and how you "market" your blog. Most Stepmom bloggers tend to be in the same circles and we rarely say mean things to one another because we know how difficult it can be to be a stepmom.
• How me should I be? Again, entirely up to you. The Erin you read on this blog is as Erin as you'll get. I'm as goofy and emotional in real life as I am on the blog. I'm also as stubborn and intelligent. Also, I know my entire family (other than my steps and kids' mom) read me which is sort of daunting and almost embarrassing, but oh well. My mother in law, mom, 15 year old sister can choose to close the post if I'm writing about my sex life or that I'm being a naughty girl but it's me and I don't apologize for  for being myself....
>

Have a question you'd like to have answered? I can spot you some anonymity if you're not a troll! Email your Questions today!