Defense Against the Dark Arts

As a stepmom, I've grown used to needing to expose my thick skin to deflect negative comments about my role in my family's life. From the kids' early comments, "You're not my mom!" to the comments of those not in a stepfamily, "But you're not the mom! It's not your job to be doing this, that or the other." I feel like I've heard it all.

That is until this weekend.

In a matter of 36 hours, I was on the receiving end of two comments that, had my spirit been weaker, would have depressed the hell out of me and made me want to throw in my Stepmom towel.

Comment #1: The Teacher, Friday morning
My stepdaughter's 8th grade language arts teacher had been reading Eat This, Not That to the class every day for the first quarter. As someone who has issues with food consumption, my stepdaughter was had the brains and the fortitude to not listen to the teacher tell her students that it wasn't okay for them to eat FATTENING guacamole (per the book), but she could because she was pregnant. She also went on say the same thing about a whole host of other foods.

As my stepdaughter was pouring her Raisin Bran Friday morning, she told me that Mrs. So-and-So would have told her she shouldn't be eating Raisin Bran because it's so unhealthy. I have it on good authority (good authority meaning my stepdaughter's clinically trained and licensed nutritionist) that when you're a recovering anoerexic, Raisin Bran is perfectly fine. My stepdaughter also went on to tell me she was a little nervous about the teacher's upcoming readings from the Eat This, Not That Restaurant book. Restaurants are a challenge for my recovering daughter. Having an authority figure tell her that she should or shouldn't eat something at a restaurant is where we drew the line.

My stepdaughter gave me permission to contact the teacher (with Mom's approval too) to ask that the Teacher not read that book to the class. I emailed the teacher by 9 a.m., copying my husband, kids' mom, Principal and Vice Principal, to ask that she not read the book to a room full of impressionable 13 year olds, particularly those that have the potential to turn to an eating disorder for comfort.

The teacher engaged me (copying everyone) in a few rounds of emails never once apologizing or saying she understood where we/I was coming from. What she did was continue to sound defensive that I'd questioned her curriculum. When I asked her to leave the nutrition talk to a health class or nutritionist, her response was, "I'm sorry Mrs. Erickson, you're not listed as one of ________'s parents. I can no longer talk to you about this matter. I can only talk to her parents."

As you can imagine, sparks flew. My husband, who was airborne, wasn't able to defend me, but the kids' mom sure was. She jumped in ASAP to tell the teacher not only was I allowed to talk about these matters, but I had been all along (ever since the hospitalization earlier this year).

The teacher never did respond to me after that, but the principal did tell us that in order for me to contact the school about any matters in the future, I needed to be added to a parents' database.

Comment #2: The Troll, Saturday evening
I'd just come home from taking a lapdance class on Saturday evening and was enjoying the post-sexy workout glow, when I received my first mean "troll" comment on this blog. I don't want to give this person anymore attention than they deserve, but if you want to read the troll's comment, you can check out it out on my Being a good role model... post.

You could tell the troll wasn't a step-anything but surely had a lot to say about me and my relationship with my husband, my stepkids and even my weight.

Truth to told, I was more honored than anything that this person felt so irked by my existence that she felt the need to unleash her vitriol comment. I'm pretty sure I know who it is and how they found me and should this person leave any more comments, well, let's just say they won't be published.

Thank goodness for my wonderful support system (whom my husband and I all call the Stepmom Posse) for coming to my defense against the troll. I don't know if I've ever felt more supported and loved than I have as I watched the comments roll in. From my husband to my mother in law and my other wonderful readers, I beamed every time I saw another positive comment. Each and every one of you make the harsh words worth putting up with.

I implore those non-step ladies who read this blog (if there are any) to really examine your beliefs as they pertain to stepfamilies. Would you want your daughters to be making these kinds of accusations or remarks to another human beings?

Didn't think so.