Being a good role model means connecting with our girls
It's funny how life works sometimes. Just last week I was contemplating my ability to be a good role model to the young women in my life and this week I find a free teleclass titled: The 7-Step Recipe To Connect with Your Daughter and Guide Her Toward Healthy Eating, a Strong Self-Esteem, and a Positive Body Image...(so she can live a big, full, meaningful life).
Is it me or does that feel like divine intervention to you too?
I was so ecstatic to hear about the class that I signed up right away and emailed the presenter with my own story. She encouraged me to listen in and tell as many (step)mamas as I could. And so I am....
- Do you want to help your daughter develop a positive body image?
- Have you struggled with eating difficulties and a negative body image -- and want to ensure that your daughter doesn't experience that kind of pain?
- Do you see the trouble girls face with food, eating, body image and self-esteem but aren't sure how best to connect with – and support – your own daughter around these issues?
If you've answered "yes" to any of these questions, you'll want to join Karen Schachter, MSW, for a FREE teleclass on October 29 called "The 7-Step Recipe To Connect with Your Daughter and Guide Her Toward Healthy Eating, a Strong Self-Esteem, and a Positive Body Image...(so she can live a big, full, meaningful life)."
According to Karen's registration page, on the call, you'll be able to learn:
- Why you are her most important role model, and how to be a healthy role model, even if you’ve struggled with these issues yourself
- How the powerful negative messages she hears from the media affect her (and how you can – and must – protect her from them)
- How to shift your mindset (and hers) around food, eating and caring for your body from deprivation to true fulfillment
- Two absolutely critical factors that are key to supporting a strong self-esteem in your daughter (these may surprise you!)
- How supporting your daughter’s brain chemistry is key for enhancing her mood, decreasing her cravings and helping her feel satisfied and nourished
- The meaning behind many food and body image struggles and how you can support her from waging war with both
- How to encourage her to care for her body in loving ways
15 comments:
I just don't get you?? I just stumbled onto your "blog" and can not believe my eyes. House rules?? Yes, I agree that kids should have some structure, but they also need time to be kids!!! YOU are the "step parent" THEY are the underaged minors that are at your mercy to add to their lives...not deligate their lives because you are unhappy with your choice in a husband. The traveling Dad is missing out and the ONLY ones who are hurting and will act out are his kids. I'm sure that they LOVE coming home to you just as much as you love having them for one whole hour at night. I don't understand the praise you receive about this matter. I'm sure your life has not turned out the way you thought that it would but there is no reason to blame innocent children for that. Just because you adults can't figure it out and continue to sabotage your own lives doesn't mean that you should drag them down with you. Have you ever heard "The crap roles down the hill"? And as far as the weight issue is ...Don't buy the crap!!!! You can not EAT it if you do not buy it. And the kids don't need it either...teach them HEALTHY eating and living habits and everything else will work its way out. Maybe you should not spend sooo much time blogging,tweeting,and whatever requires you to SIT infront of a computer for hours on end...MOVE WOMAN!!!
Anonymous,
I contemplated whether or not I should publish your comment. But, as you point out, I'm a "step parent" which means I have pretty thick skin already.
What you appear to be too ignorant to realize is that I am a great stepparent. You don't know shit about my life. You only think you do.
My stepkids adore me. My stepkids' mom considers me one of her best friends. Her family invites me to every function there is. I must be a horrible stepparent if there's that much love going around, eh?
You see, I don't let attitudes like yours get me down. There is so much wrong in the world that if I let every petty woman with an axe to grind sour my mood, then I'd never be happy.
I hsve a feeling I know how you found my "blog" as you put it and if I'm right, then you go right on believing I'm a horrible person. You'll be about the only one.
I'm pretty sure most of the people who read this blog regularly would disagree with you wholeheartedly.
Anonymous-
Fitting, you wont name yourself. I guess it is easy to hide behind anonymity and decide to insult people.
Sabotage our own lives? Um, ok. We have, between us 3 parents, 3 jobs, a book published, 2 sets of students who get good grades most of the time, and who score 97th percentile in standardized tests, several belts in karate, 1 person who learned Chinese this year, a biomom who got promoted this year even in a tough job market, 1 kid who is making great recovery from an eating disorder, another who is thriving in 3rd grade, and despite all that, you come in, from Teh Internets, and decide you can pass judgement on our family - because it does not meet your definition of whatever the hell normal is?
I reserve the right to tell you were to stick it. Yeah, my wife blogs about her problems - and is very transparent about it, making herself a bit vulnerable. You came to a blog where someone opens the kimono to the kinds of problems everyone has, and decide to stab your dagger into someone anonymously.
Yeah, that takes a lot of courage. Do you feel better, now that you went to a blog to tear someone down? Really? I hope you feel better about yourself.
Pathetic. 100xPathetic.
Anonymous,
The only thing I Desire to say to you is that I'm very sorry for you that you have to live your life in such an angry way. It must be a very lonely life and path for you.
Erin,
You are a role model to me. The love and support that you give your family is incredible. Don't let one insensitive individual, who clearly has anger issues get to you. Clearly there is more going on in this person's life and they needed an outlet to purge their anger into. I'm sorry this happened to you.
Hugs and smoochies!
Erin is a lifeline to stepmothers everywhere. She works hard (yes at her computer) to make the lives of other stepmothers all over the PLANET more bearable.
I would say that she is a fantastic role model. Much more of a role model than a bitter, angry and cowardly person who anonymously leaves their venom her blog page.
Get a life.
LBM xxx
Dear Anon ~
Kids need BOUNDARIES, RULES, and DISCIPLINE. In between those key parenting fundamentals, there's loads of time to have fun. You obviously don't get what being a parent is all about and you hide behind your mask of anonymity...and just remember, if you're pointing your finger at Erin, you have three of your own fingers pointing back at you.
Dearest Erin,
YOU ROCK. Keep doing what you're doing. Keep blogging what you're blogging. And don't waste your time and energy on this particular anonymous poster.
xxxooooo
Anonymous --
Me again. You might be able to tell by now that I DO make a difference in people's lives.
Put that in your religious conservative crack pipe and smoke it.
I'm fairly certain I know who you and I actually have your IP and email address. Don't feel so anonymous now do you? See, in addition to having an awesome husband (I believe you met him in one of the comments up there), I also have some effing awesome stepmom friends -- women you don't want to mess with.
And while I'm at it, re-read the post that caused you to write: "I'm sure that they LOVE coming home to you just as much as you love having them for one whole hour at night."
I have them UNTIL 7 or 8 at night. And yes, they do love hanging out with me.
Erin, consider it a benchmark of blogging success that you are now have done good enough search optimization to attract internet trolls :)
See definition here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Troll_%28Internet%29
Congrats!
While I have commented on many a blog, I have never responded to any negative comments that may have been made before me.
However, as a stepmom and a woman who has recovered from an eating disorder, I suggest to the Anonymous commenter that he or she may find it more useful to be of service to people if they walk through their own fear and address what's going on in their own life, not Erin's.
Anonymous, if you need a role model for how to honestly address the issues so clearly present in your life, then the Erin Experiment is a great place to start. At the end of the day, it's attitudes like yours that are harming our kids, not the beautiful, loving, and BRAVE efforts of people like Erin who have nothing to hide, and nothing to prove.
We're only as sick as our secrets, Anonymous.
Erin, I’m so grateful you chose to open your life in a way that is helpful to so many people. Thank you for your posts, websites, and most of all for your integrity in showing us all the comments presented to you. At the very least, your piece of ‘hate’ mail, gives us an opportunity to let you know that you are making a difference in this world. Keep those posts and tweets coming!!
Anonymous,
Love the fact that you post such a comment on a blog you just "stumbled upon" and then won't leave your real name. Maybe you should take the time to actually read more of what Erin has posted before you go writing such a nasty comment for her.
I find it amazing that someone would post such a discusting comment on a blog they just stumbled upon. Erin is a great role model and she is also a person, thank you very much. Something you seem to be forgetting while posting such crap comments.
Seriously, get a life anonymous.
Erin - monetize the negative comments...Heather Armstrong of Dooce.com fame does!
;-)
xxoo
Erin,
Love that you posted the comment and took the time to figure out who it was. Gotta love technology. There is so much negativity in the world I love how you choose to focus on the positive. Thank you so much for all that you do, and your hard work has paid off in so many ways. I was able to find a wonderful network of other stepmoms I could relate to and have YOU to thank for that. There is always going to be that one person out there trying to ruin the party, good for you for not letting that happen.
Hope Miss. Anonymous feels like a dipstick now. :)
Erin,
I want everyone to know that as your mother-in-law, I couldn't be prouder. Of course I would have loved for my son and the children's mother to have had a solid marriage so that they could raise content children who become productive, contributing adults. Well that marriage didn't work out BUT with you in the picture and with your help the three of you are raising children that are happy and will be content and productive adults. It's the examples that you set that makes the difference. You've enriched not only my son and his children's lives but the lives of the entire family.
Keep up the good work.
Lovingly,
Mom2
Erin,
I love that you give of yourself so honestly and openly every day to the many stepmoms who need you. Not everyone is going to interpret what you say correctly or agree with you and that's just fine. Just keep doing what you're doing and the people who need your message will find you.
Best wishes,
Jacquelyn Fletcher
Author, A Career Girl's Guide to Becoming a Stepmom
www.becomingastepmom.com
Kids thrive with fair rules that do not change on a whim. When I moved in with my step family about a year ago, my now husband commented that he felt his 5 year old daughter who lived, and still lives with us was not having a happy childhood and was very sad and angry. I think he was right. She was very angry. She didn't get sad or distressed, everything made her angry. I think she needed three things: rules, a steady schedule and and a female figure in her daily.
I could not live in a household where the child runs the show with tantrums and the parents give in to keep the peace. My husband agreed, but being a single father with a full time job left little time to little time to spend with her and those times he didn't want to spend punishing her for her behavior. I also think he had a ton of "divorced parent guilt" and thought that giving her more freedom would compensate for a broken home. Lucky for all three of us, he recognized this wasn't healthy for her or him. We both talked many times and discussed how we would parent in our household. I've been very lucky in that from day one my husband told our daughter that when I say something it's as if he said it. My rules are his rules, my punishments are his punishments. I'm lucky to have that kind of support. That was the greatest fear I had when we started dating. I've never told him this, but if he had started out by automatically taking a 5 year old's word over mine, I would have walked away and never looked back. (bear in mind he's known me and been good friends with me for 4 years now, so he knows I'm firm, but fair)
Fast forward a year. I have rules . . . that sometimes get bent because she's a good kid and everyone deserves some extra fun. (for example, i usually don't sugar her up after school, but their field trip to the pumpkin patch was canceled due to cold weather. I think that calls for a soda and some Laffy Taffy) So with these rules and set schedule, we now have a happy child. She has had a fairly uneventful first grade year, a stark contrast to her kindergarten year where the principal knew her quite well. She actually likes to go to school this year. She minds pretty well now. When she gets mad or frustrated, her tantrums last no more than a few minutes and are not at top volume anymore. The bad spikes in behavior happen when she comes back from her biomom's. I don't think her mother is any different than us, but I think she keeps falling into the trap that my husband was in. She's the weekend mom and has been for a few years now, and doesn't want to fight and punish when she has so little time with her daughter. So, our kiddo falls into old habits.
When you start talking about kids, you have to think about what they need, not what they want. Everyone wants to do what they want when they want to do it. Everyone doesn't always get what they want. Life isn't fair. Be nice to others if you want them to be nice to you . . . . sound familiar? Your parents had the keys. Instead of trying to make things up to your kids for whatever you think is ruining their lives, just try to be what they need. Kids aren't complicated. You hug them, you kiss them and spend time with them. That's what they need most. That video game isn't going to replace their mom or dad. Staying up late isn't going to change things for them. I think it scares children when they are in charge. They act like they know everything. Heck, our kid flat out tells us we're wrong and that she knows everything, but when it comes down to it, she knows we know a lot more than her and she counts on us to take care of her and protect her. If she's the one who is in charge, how can she feel like she's being taken care of? How can she feel safe? How can she be happy?
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