There are moments in my stepparenting life where I feel like an anomaly. An anomaly, if you're not familiar with the word, is a "deviation from the common rule" (or at least that's what my good friends Merriam and Webster say). To me, it means being the friendly Stepmom who not only befriended the kids' mom but sought out the friendship.
While I read a lot of stepmoms' angry responses to the treatment they receive from their kids' bio-mom, I can't help but feel left out. I sit in the opposite camp: my kids' mom and I are chums. Bosom buddies if you will. In fact, if I had a major health issue and my husband and mom weren't here, she'd be one of the people I'd turn to in an emergency.
It's strange, but true. We're not only friendly, but friends and it almost feels weird.
I've written (what almost feels ad nauseum) about being the exception to the rule and other such ideas about stepmoms who buck the wicked trend. It breaks my heart to read about women -- whether they be bio- or step- moms -- who have such tyrannical responses to one another all because one or both women have their feelings hurt.
I don't mean to sound all Mother Theresa like here, but I've had my feelings hurt plenty of times by my husband, the kids and their mom and you know what -- I got over it. The world doesn't revolve around me and I don't expect it to. I want some peace and harmony, not drama, and so I choose to swallow my pride sometimes and learn to compromise. And you know what, it works for me.
Being friends with my kids' mom does cause me concern. Ironically, my concern has to do with how it comes across to other Stepmoms: am I a stepmom superfreak because I've "befriended the ex' and actually have proposed going on a family vacation with her next summer? Am I a Sally McWeirdo because I invite her over for dinner or plan birthday parties with her? I can never tell and it makes me feel self-conscious.
I came across Wednesday Martin's blog post today about befriending the ex and I felt so out of place after reading it that I felt the urge to leave a comment. Wednesday responded with comforting words, but as I read and reread other's comments, I still felt a little strange, like I was picked out of the class as the "different" one even if that difference was a positive thing.
Ladies, whether you're friends with the ex, indifferent or hate her, do you ever feel like a stepmom superfreak?