After I wrote the post about the idea of quitting my life, I still went on to contemplate it some more. I thought about how freeing it would feel to not have the responsibilities that contribute to my depression.
I thought about what it would be like to be able to come home every night to just a place full of cats with whatever foods in the pantry I wanted. I thought of how wonderful it would be to be able to hit the gym on the way home or to go out with friends on a school night.
I thought about how organized my single girl pad would be (again) and how any messes would be mine.
As tempting as all of that sounded to me, what stopped me -- what has always stopped me -- is that I couldn't imagine my life not being what I am right now.
For every stress it brings me, being a Stepmom is part of who I am. It's what's prompted me to create sites like Stepchicks and the Stepfamily Letter Project which help out other stepmoms like me.
Being a stepmom has made me such a better person I'm not sure I could stand who I'd be without my stepmotherhood.
Despite their not coming out of my womb, my stepkids are my kids. If I wasn't part of their life, I would miss them terribly. I don't plan on trying to have kids again and I really, truly hope to watch these kids grow into adults.
If I quit my life, I would lose a friend in my husband's ex-wife. I would lose a person who knows what it's like to be married to my husband and whose family likes me.
If I quit my life, I would lose my wonderful in-laws whom are the best I could ask for.
If I quit my life, my husband wouldn't be in it (at least not in a good way). We have our ups and downs and our marriage is far from perfect, but we have an odd synchronicity about us that I have yet to find with anyone else. I dated a lot of guys before my husband and he's the only one who really gets my sense of humor.
If I quit my life, I wouldn't have the people in it that make it worth being who I am.