Do you see what I see?
I feel like a big, fat blob.
These are harsh and unhealthy words to dish out and I try to keep them to myself. If this past year has taught me anything, it's that we are so much more than how we look on the outside.
Despite being proud of what I've done in this life so far, I practically disowned it this past Saturday when I wasn't able to do an invert in my pole dancing class.
You see, I haven't been able to do an invert for the past 6 weeks. And I know the reason why: I've gained back 20 pounds and my body doesn't have the strength it takes to hoist itself upside down.
Nevermind that I can climb the same 10-foot pole and spin tricks around it. The fact that I can't invert has me beating myself up.
I never realized what an emotional eater I was until this year. I'm drowning feelings of loneliness and exhaustion with ice cream sandwiches and Kashi bars.
Many people have recommended I lose the sweets and throw more low-fat fare into my pantry, but all I'm going to tell you is that I can't for reasons which I won't get into on this blog. In fact, my pantry has to be filled with full-fat everything just in case the kids need to have dinner, make lunch, etc. at my house some night.
Despite all of the good things in my life right now, all of this alone time has left me feeling lonely. I'm filling the loneliness with food because it's available to hang out with me whenever I need it unlike a lot of my friends who have husbands, pets, kids and lives that need their attention.
I'm trying to seek out new friendships and to have more of a life outside of the house, but it's difficult when you're constantly "on call" to pick up the kids from camp or keep them for dinner a few nights in a row.
I miss my husband. I miss the emotional connection we've had when he crawls into bed and tells me he loves me before going to sleep.
I plan on talking about this during my next therapy session, but I'm curious -- are you an emotional eater and how do you manage to keep your eating in check when you need that emotional connection?
5 comments:
I used to be morbidly obese and I know I'm an emotional eater.
First, I now know that it's ok to give in a little bit. No one, including you, will notice a small gain. Do NOT bet yourself up, that will only make it worse.
Second, I try to make a couple better choices. Chai tea works for me - something about the warmth is so comforting.
Third, I try to figure out what I really need. If I'm bored or sad I find something to do. I call a friend, pet the cat, walk around Target, paint my toenails or hit the gym. (Knitting is my new favorite food avoidance activity.) Ask what ELSE would make you feel better at the moment.
Good luck!
I'm definitely an emotional eater. For me it's fast food; I associate a fountain soda (and fries and chicken nuggets AND a hamburger too!) to comfort, and, as a result, there was a stretch where I went through the McD's drive-through at least every other day. Being aware of my emotional reliance on fast food makes it a little easier for me to reevaluate my choices - am I using this as a crutch, or do I really want it? When I'm honest with myself, more often than not I only want the food to comfort myself.
I wish I had a good suggestion for you, but I'm trying to find my way out of my emotional eating pattern too. Geneen Roth's Bite by Bite audiobook is on hold for me at my library as I type, and I'm hoping that'll help shed some light on things for me.
I hope things get easier for you soon. *hugs*
I eat out of boredom. But, in my case, I'm able to stock my house with the foods I should be eating. So, your situation is definitely unique. I wonder if you can do any of your pole dancing moves without the pole. If that's the case, then when you feel hungry, why not go outside or to your room and practice some of these moves. And if you're still hungry after that, at least you burned a few calories before getting something to eat. Plus, then, when you head to the kitchen, you'll be thinking about pole dancing and wanting to achieve that invert again and maybe you'll make different food choices?
how about sneaking as much exercise as you can during the day when the kids are gone, or the evenings when you don't have them? I'm an eater out of boredome so can't offer much advise for emotional eating, hopefully the therepist can offer some suggestions. Just the fact that you realize the problem should help you.
I am definitely an emotional eater!! If I am really super stressed, I won’t eat, but the usual stress I feel day to day life it makes me want to eat horrible fast food or worse SWEETS! My BF and I are the exact same way, I treat food like a reward, and I constantly have "cheat" days and love a warm cookie or brownie with ice cream. I find when I am doing better with workouts I dont tend to eat as bad or as much. I have been really focused on trying to limit myself on portion control. I had gained like 10 lbs just from being happy and in love with the BF. So far I have lost about 8 and need to lose about 6 more. It sucks but when you start to lose it you feel so much better! I still cheat just not as much.
It’s hard when you feel lonely, luckily that doesn’t happen much for me but I would be doing the exact same thing. Try to go for a walk or clean the house, anything to keep your mind off of it and usually I find that helps!
It’s a lifelong battle; I wish you the best of luck!!
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