1 + 1 = 2 things

I told ya'll I was going to launch this give a little :: take a little experiment so here it goes:

I'm extremely grateful for... my own creative and nurturing nature. Every time I see that someone has signed up for a social network, group or blog I've created, I feel pangs of happiness that I've helped someone out. That is extremely fulfilling.

What I've done for myself today... I went to the gym by myself for 2 hours this morning and then I went to Target to return a Christmas present my stepson didn't like. Being alone and out of the house was so decadent I'm considering getting a mani/pedi and hitting Panera all by myself later on today.

Give a little, take a little

I've received a few wonderful pieces of advice lately from readers of this blog. (And my warmest wishes, hugs and love go out to each of you).

Most of it has had to do with

• remembering the good/positive things about my life
• remembering to take time and care of myself.

I've decided that starting today (because I'm just quirky enough to start a New Year's Resolution the day before the new year) I'm going to try to post 2 things to this blog every day:

1. Something I'm grateful for that day
2. Something I've done just for myself that day

This may be the only post for the day or it may one of five. I'm not going to limit myself to just one grateful thing or one indulgent thing per day. If I've had a girls' weekend, you can bet your Google Reader I'm going to be thankful and indulgent about it.

And so it begins. My next post will be the 12/31/2008 10 a.m. edition of my give a little :: take a little experiment. Come along for the ride

House Rules for Good Stepmom Maintenance

In my house, we've got a list of house rules that govern how everyone is supposed to act in order to maintain some peace: don't come home angry, each kid has their own night for the food and television shows we all eat and watch and everyone take care of their chores. 

The list has been effective particularly because we keep it posted and we've all read it outloud. 

I'm taking a cue from myself (the one who created the first house rule list) and am amending the house rules list to include House Rules for Good Stepmom Maintenance. 

Here are my rules:

• Please respect that the "master suite" is my sanctuary. I'd prefer that kids do not come in unless given permission or asked and that it is kept clean and supplied with toilet paper. Please do not borrow my belongings without asking me first. 
• Please respect my time. Your lack of planning should not constitute an emergency to me. If you've forgotten to return something, pick it up or mention meetings/events to everyone else, you are responsible for seeing to it that it's returned, picked up or orchestrated. 
• Please respect my priorities. I yearn for a neat and orderly house, date nights with my husband and a supportive, non-judgemental family. I do not covet jewelry, fancy vacations or cars or high-priced anything, just a nice, sweet, semi-organic life. 
• Please respect my feelings about respect. I think it's respectful to say bless you when someone sneezes, to (keep) open doors for others and to pick up even when not asked. To not return the favor is, well, rude and I don't like rudeness. 
• Please ask me about me. I love hearing about everyone's life, but please, ask me about my life too. I am an amazing woman/sister/daughter/stepmother/wife if you haven't noticed. Everyone likes to feel special. We all like to feel that people notice our successes and are geuinely happy for us when we achieve them. I am no different than you about this. 
• Please respect what and why I am asking for these rules. I am not trying to be difficult or to cast blame. I am requesting the similar tenets of good _________ maintenance that you ask of me. Asking for someone to care, pick up after themself or respect me is not venturing into servitude. It's common decency. 

These house rules will be posted as soon as I gather up the courage to deal with the aftermath of posting them. Eyes will perk, questions will be asked and an argument may ensue.  

Me: Winner of 2008 Amazing Wife Award

I often read blog posts about how to be a better wife/person. Most of the time, the recommendations include saying you're sorry even when you still feel like you're right, not being a nag, letting the person have 'me time,' not resisting sex and turning the tables on seduction.

I like to read these lists because I crave advice on how to improve myself.

But sometimes you've got to realize when there's no more room for improvement. That being said, I am bestowing upon myself the 2008 Amazing Wife Award.

What qualifies me for this honor? Well, let's see:

• I don't restrict my husband's social or networking life; just ask the man who stayed out until 4:30 a.m. without a single phone call to his wife about his whereabouts.
• I handle kiddie carpool 75% of the weekday evenings
• I don't ask for expensive anything -- trips, jewelry, purses, clothes -- nada.
• I keep within our grocery and gift budget every week despite wanting to indulge in a massage every once in a while
• I pole dance
• I take lap dance classes
• Instead of letting myself go, I've lost 25 pounds
• I don't sweat it when he indulges in 12-hour video game marathons on the weekends
• I love sex (sorry for all of those moms of mine reading this)
• I regularly don thongs, stripper shoes and/or short skirts to seduce my husband while he plays video games or watches his political shows (again, sorry for all of those moms of mine reading this)
• I make him coffee nearly every morning. If I'm feeling really loving, I bring him a cup as he wakes up.
• I let him sleep in every morning
• I iron and wash his clothes, find lost bills and make him dinner nearly every night
• I play Rockband
• I am a very caring and involved stepmother to his children
• I apologize...for almost everything
• I hope for, but don't expect, any of these thing "perks" in return

If that won't earn me an award, I don't know what does. Upon reading and re-reading the list, though, I realize I might also win the doormat and sucker award too. Perhaps reading this list might also lend a little explanation to my whole resentment post earlier this week.

:::::::::::::

I'd also like to add to this post a question that has come up during my Delurking Party:

Why don't I talk about my husband or my marriage on this blog?

Well, dear reader, good question. For nearly as long as I've had this blog, my husband and I have been at odds over the content. My blog is one of the few places in the world where I feel like I can speak somewhat freely. There had been several occasions when I raised a red flag or two about how I made my husband appear when I was telling my side of the story. He didn't always agree I was presenting a fair assessment and out of respect for him, I stopped talking about my husband or my marriage.

Believe me, that's a whole blog in and of itself.

I'm one half of a success-driven couple and I wish I could vent about the trials and tribulations that go along with that. Being the busy supportive one while your busy spouse writes his first book is enough fodder for a year's worth of blog posts.

But, and getting back to my whole point about being an amazing wife, I respect my husband's wishes to keep his name and characteristics out of my blog.

We're Having a Delurking Party

Nilsa, one of my favorite Chicago-area blogger friends (she writes at SoMi|| learning :: exposing :: sharing) recently had an ingenious idea for her blog: a delurking day. (to read more about her, click on Nilsa's Lurking post)

Because I don't know her personally, the (de)lurking post helped me learn more about her. It also allowed her (and frankly the rest of us who read her) to "meet" some of the people who regularly read her blog but don't always comment. 

Because I think the world of Nilsa and I'm following good blogger protocol, I'd like to adapt her delurking day idea for my own blog. I've noticed a spike in blog traffic recently and I can't help but think more people are reading my blog. 

I'm thrilled (if not a little nervous) about people reading my blog. Y'all are my only support system and I love each and every one of you...I just don't know who all of you are. 

So, like Nilsa, I'm hosting a delurking party on my blog. 

RSVPs not necessary; however, if you could leave a comment on the blog letting me know something about you that would RULE!! You don't even need to leave your name if you don't want. Heck, tell me your pet's name if you want.

One other party reccomendation: Feel free to use the comment(s) section to ask me a question, any question. Want to the real reason I stopped trying to have a baby? My husband's name? Why I don't talk about my marriage on my blog? My secret to having the guts to take pole dancing classes? How I really feel about being a stepmom? You ask, I answer. 

So, my wonderful blog readers, it's time for the delurking party to begin

I resent that

"I bring you everything that floats into your mind...

But you don't bring me anything but down...."

- Sheryl Crow, Anything But Down

Have you ever had one of those moments of mental clarity when everything going in your brain goes from fuzzy to crystal clear? 

I had one of those moments recently. 

I've been holding in a lot of anger lately and it hasn't been healthy. I can feel it festering in my gut the way a bad meal lingers long after you've eaten. This anger has had unfortunate consequences. Instead of enjoying the holidays, I found myself getting angry at the stupidest and smallest infractions. 

Like most of the Christmas-celebrating world, I've been stressed about buying gifts, staying on budget and hoping I am able to maintain my job in 2009.  Add to that an unfortunate dose of Seasonal Affective Disorder and it's a wonder I've managed to not sip fumes from my tail pipe. 

I hate making people feel miserable, least of all me, so I've tried to figure out the root of my evil. 

I'm pretty self-aware even in my darkest of hours and what I've determined in my post-holiday relax-gasmic haze is that I've been resenting people in my life that put themselves first. 

What's worse is that I feel the need to mention the instances where I've put myself last to the people who put themselves first. All this does is earn me the title of Resentful Martyrer. If you've ever scrapped your own plan(s) for someone else and then resented when they don't do the same for you, then you have experienced Resentful Martyrdom. 

Being a resentful martyr does nothing except make your own self feel bad. With me lately, I've taken my resentment up a notch and let it turn into outright anger. 

Consider the following: 

• Instead of letting the dishes sit in the sink for a day or two and allowing everyone else to pitch in, I'd (resentfully) loaded and unloaded the dishwasher every single day. 
• Instead of getting over my fear of driving in winter weather, I've (resentfully at times) stayed home with antsy kids. 
• Instead of letting the house get a little untidy around the holidays, I've (resentfully) picked up after everyone even if I was sick, tired or busy working. 
• Instead of telling the kids and husband to get over the fact that they don't own the remote control, I've (resentfully) waited to watch my DVR'd t.v. shows between 10 p.m.-6 a.m.

I have also resented my stepdaugher's insistence to only eat certain foods because it makes meal times and grocery shopping stressful. I even plead guilty for resenting my husband's (relaxing for him) Lord of the Rings raids on Sunday nights because the interaction is with a game and not me. 

The thing is, when I look at this list as well as the additions brewing in my head, they have one thing in common: the people who I've resented have done what I can't seem to do: put themselves first. 

I realized that I'm probably my happiest and least resentful when I'm taking care of myself. Case in point: my Sunday Pole Dance classes.  From the time I leave the house until I come back home, I've found a level of peace and calm I don't otherwise have. 

So what do I do now? 

1. I need to knock it off with resenting people for thinking of themselves first. 
2. I need to take a cue from that which I've grown angry about: I need to put myself first. 

The dishes will get done...by someone else; the kids will be taken care of...by all of their parents; the laundry will be washed...by the person who needs it. 

I'll keep you all posted on my progress. Until then, I'm curious how other people handle this kind of internal conflict. Do you ever find yourself resenting people for putting themselves first and how do you deal with it? 

Dear Stepdad...

Dear Stepdad,

Thank you and I love you. 

If I could say one phrase to you for the rest of my life it would be that. You have inspired me in ways you can't even imagine and I don't give you nearly enough praise for that. I also don't tell you how much I love you for all of the things you've done for me in the past 20 years.  

I am a great stepparent because of you. I don't know if I'd be able to say that had you not been in my life the way you have. 

I don't know how you managed to not ship me off to boarding school during my teen years. Letting a woman into your life at 31 is one thing. Letting in her teen-age daughter should have earned you a medal of honor. 

I wasn't a horrible kid, but I didn't make your life easy. Who can forget the "Mr. and Mrs. Highness" debacle and the constant eye-rolling I did when you asked me to do chores. 

I see that same eye roll in my own stepchildren and all I can say is: I'm sorry. Really, really sorry. 

I owe my housekeeping and work ethic to you. If my stepkids turn out anything like me, they'll have the cleanest houses in their counties, too. 

Thank you for marrying my mom and thank you for my brother and sister. I really, truly couldn't imagine life without any of you. 

When Mom calls to tell me you're all trying to get home in bad winter weather, I genuinely stress that you won't make it home. I don't know what I do without you in my life. 

I wouldn't know who to take my most personal stepparent questions to.  You are the True North of my stepparent life.  Without complaint, you contributed your life savings to my college, my braces, and even my near-bankruptcy. 

If you didn't like doing it, I never knew. You never made me feel like I owed you something in return like I'm afraid I do to my own stepkids. 

Stepdad, you're one of the five best things that's ever come into my life. 

Thank you...for everything. 

I love you,

Your Stepdaughter, Erin  (aka "Stepmom")

A word about my pole dancing

To the new(er) readers of this blog I just wanted to say Hello! Welcome! Glad you stopped by.

Don't let the headline scare you. I'm not a morally-corrupt stepmom stripper. I pole dance as part of my workout and I L-O-V-E it. 

My pole dancing is just one of the things about me the newer readers may not know about. I've decided to follow my blog friend Nilsa's lead and next week am going to start hosting a delurking party on this blog. But that's not until next week. This week I'm going to be posting a few life updates and letters. 

Today's update has to do with my pole dancing classes. 

I have moved up to a Level 4 (out of a total of 7 levels). 

What that means is that I've gotten good enough at inversions and other death-defying tricks  that I can start adding trick bling to them. For instance, I might try a one handed upside-down trick when I'm back in class. 

Pretty cool huh?

I recently wrote a blog post about why I started taking pole dancing classes for the studio's blog  Flirteasedanceandfitness.wordpress.com

(full disclosure: I work with the owner on the social media for the studio). 

In writing the blog post, I was amazed at how far I'd come in 2008. This time last year I was a post-miscarriage depressed mess. I still have issues, but they're more along the lines of being angry and overwhelmed. 

I'm glad I got back into my pole dancing classes. Not only have I impressed myself with some of the feats I've overcome (hello elusive inversion. I'm so glad I tackled you this fall!), I've also met a few great friends that I never would have met otherwise. 

That is all for this pole update. I'll try to write more when I get into my classes. Maybe I'll even post you tube trick videos for the sake of proof :-p 

Dear Santa...one more thing

Santa,

I'm not normally this gimme-gimme, but I have one more Christmas wishlist item:

Could you make sure my family gets home safely from their Tennesee mini-break? As you  might be able to tell from your radar, Illinois is in the crux of a winter storm right now. Snow, freezing rain, sleet -- we've got it all and my family is driving right through the middle of it today and then again tomorrow so that they can get home for Christmas. 

Santa, I really can't have anything happen to my family. They are my lifeline. They keep me sane and they know me better than anyone. They are my support system. 

Please Santa. If you could talk to Mother Nature, God and anyone else who has pull, can you make sure my family makes it home safely tomorrow? 

Thanks,

Erin 

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa...

Despite what  my necklace says, I have been a really good person this year. The "Well behaved women rarely make history" pendant hanging around my neck was a present and I'm respectful enough to honor the gift-giver. Besides, it's cute. 

I know we've had a rocky relationship in the past. When my parents divorced, I had a hard time believing in you. I've shifted that cynicism to God now mostly because I know what it's like to be in your shoes. 

But I believe and I'm sitting down to write out my Christmas List. 

Here it goes:

1. More Henleys from Aeropostale. These things are awesome and I love them. They also look really good on and let's face it, I could use some help in that department. 
2. Really warm socks. If you haven't noticed, Illinois has turned into the frozen tundra. It's cold here and my little piggies look like a package of frozen Oscar Meyer Weiners -- only with Lincoln Park After Dark on the tips. 
3. Motivation to train for a Triathlon. This can come in the form of a bikini, $1000, love and admiration, etc. I'm not picky. I just want to do a triathlon in 2009 for the sake of doing one and I need a little something extra to get myself to the gym on the days I don't want to go. 
4. Sun and warmth. Santa -- I'm confined to Illinois for the next 11 years.  It's like a prison sentence except the prison is snow, ice and subzero temperatures. I'd be eternally grateful if you could talk to Ma Nature about keeping the heat on in the Chicagoland at all times. 
5. A clone of my husband. I like my husband or else I wouldn't have married him. Problem is, he's extremely busy these days and I rarely get a chance to hang out with him. If you could clone him, then I could have him for date nights and his book/speaking schedule/coding projects could have him too.
6. While we're at it, a clone of me, too. Seriously Santa. If I had a dollar for every time more than one person needed something from me at the same time, I could hire another me.  I understand the point of relaxation except it's hard to do when you're also strategizing social media, shoveling the driveway, making Lemon Sugar Cookie pancakes and disengaging two fighting kids. 
7. Personal peace. I could give world peace a chance a lot better if I had some personal peace. I'm constantly seeking validation and/or attention from people that I should just file under "unavailable." If I had a piece of peace I could probably be a more pleasant person to deal with. 
8. My own personal support staff. My mom probably gets more than her fair share of "help me, I'm drowning" phone calls. It would be nice if I had a personal support staff, a stress entourage if you will, to help me through the troubled times. If they could also be skilled in "great job! shrieking" and happy dances, that would totally rule.

As you can see Santa, I'm not asking for too much. So far, you've delivered on several of my wishlist items (husband, children, nice house). I appreciate that. There's a little somethin' extra on your cookie plate this year as a token of my esteem. 

Take care Santa baby,

Elfin' Erin

Stepmom's Famous Lemon Sugar Cookie Pancake Recipe

Stepmom's Famous Lemon Sugar Cookie Pancake Recipe is actually a spin-off of my Stepdad's Dutch Apple Pancakes that he used to make for my mom and I way back in the day.

I wanted to create my own tradition for my stepkids so I started making pancakes on Saturday and Sunday mornings. One thing led to another and I got creative: A little lemon juice and vanilla extract turned normal pancakes into what my stepdaughter deemed "Stepmom's Famous Lemon Sugar Cookie Pancakes." In fact, she uses those pancakes as a value-added extra when she invites friends to sleep over. 

I've received numerous requests to explain what these are and how they're made. I've dropped the basic recipe below. To make them sugar cookie delicious,  add in 2 tablespoons of lemon juice and 1 tablespoon of vanilla extract. I also add in a tablespoon of 7-up or sparkling water to make the pancakes inflate a little more. If all of the additional liquids make your pancakes too soupy, simply add more flour. 

If you'd like the calorie count, CalorieCount.com has the nutrients listed here. 

Ingredients for Basic Pancakes

1	cup all-purpose flour
1	tbsp sugar
2	tsps baking powder
1/4	tsp salt
1	egg, beaten -- I've been known to leave this out.
1	cup milk -- or soy milk
2	tbsps cooking oil

Directions

1. In a mixing bowl, stir together flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt. In another mixing bowl combine egg, milk, and cooking oil. Stir mixture just till blended but still slightly lumpy.
   


2. Pour about 1/4 cup batter onto a hot, lightly greased griddle or heavy skillet for each standard sized pancake or 1 tablespoon batter for each dollar sized pancake.
   


3. Cook till pancakes are golden brown, turning to cook second sides when pancakes have bubbly surfaces and slightly dry edges. Makes 8-10 standard sized or 36 dollar sized pancakes.

Have recipes you'd like to share? Drop me an email and I'll post

Happy Holidays a Week Early

This might just make you laugh a little. Yep. That's me

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Want to learn how to do this? Visit my other blog at http://www.emediaconsulting.blogspot.com

In my perfect world...

In my perfect world...

• The dishes would do themselves 
• The laundry would deliver itself to the laundry room or the dry cleaner and bring itself back up to its rightful place(s)
• The mail on the counter would find its way up to the office, pay itself and file itself
• My Christmas shopping would have been done months ago
• My stepkids would pick up after themselves without having to be told to
• My husband would actually listen when I say something
• I would receive the same support from others that I give to them
• There would be a bubble bath and calorie-free champagne waiting for me at the end of every day
• My workouts would be done by via dancing every day
• Mother Nature would cease the snow, sleet and freezing rain that make me not want to go outside or drive
• There would be no bullies
• Stepmom bloggers would get the same love that other mommy bloggers do
• Fertility would be granted to those who deserve it. 

That's my perfect world. What's yours? 

These are a few of my favorite things...

Apparently I've had more in common with Oprah then I thought. If she can open up about her weight, I can certainly tell the world about a few of my recent favorite finds...

Women's Bearpaw 8 Inch Shearling Boots from Target. A few weeks ago, I heeded the call of Old Man Winter: he told me I was going to need some warm winter boots this year. After we exchanged a few pleasentries, I headed directly to Target and found these warm fuggs. I call them Fuggs (faux Uggs for those wondering at home). I don't care that they're not real Uggs. They're warm and fabulous and I only take them off when I sleep. These things are so warm, I put them on in the house just to keep my doggies toasty. They also look cute in a "I'm heading to Denver" sort of way.

Aeropostale Henley. I blame my stepdaughter for this one. I found this shirt (and the other 3 colors I have) when I was Christmas shopping for her. I've become a recent adopter of the trendy layered look due in large part to the fact that my daughter and everyone else wears layers and looks good in them. When I walked downstairs for the first time with this on (and a green cami underneath) my husband let out at "you look hot." SCORE 1 for the SMILF. The shirt also goes good under vests, t-shirts and sweaters which makes its $10 price tag well worth it.

St. Ives Whipped Silk Body Wash. The best $3.50 I ever spent in the Wal-Mart cosmetic section. As a dry-skinned midwesterner, this body wash is really good at keeping me moist. It also has a slight perfumic-scent that isn't too overpowering. It also makes for a good bubble bath.

Ann Taylor Loft Petite Medallion Print Square Neck Dress. Okay, I really don't own this dress, but I tried it on the other day when I was Christmas shopping. Ever since I started losing weight, the majority of my clothes shopping has been for henleys and boots. All but 4 of my pants don't fit any more and I tend to over-wear the ones that do. (I should also add that I'm so addicted to my Fuggs that I won't wear dress pants to work any more because they don't look right with the boots -- HA!). This was the thing I've tried on that made me look like a grown up. I passed on it because of the $79 pricetag and the fact that I didn't want this to be my sole Christmas present. In hindsight, maybe I should go back and buy it. It's really cute. I mean, who needs an iPod arm strap or Nike thing-a-ma-bob anyway?

So that, my dears, are a few things that I've been coveting lately. What about you? What haven't you been able to live without lately?

I Resolve...

I'm an accountability whore. I like to post yearly lists of things I want to accomplish in the next year so that people can ask me, mid-summer "so Erin, about that Triathlon..." and I have to actually admit that I'm a bum who hasn't trained.


I will list my 2009 goals right after I run down the results of 2008's list of things I wanted to accomplish:

• Be content with who I am. I are contented...for the most part.
• Reconnect with my friends. My thanks go out to Facebook
• Be a little more selfish. I have been a little more demanding of me time but not as much as I want...this is going back on the list.
• Learn to be less uptight about clutter. I'm at about 50% recovered on this one. Moving on..
• Conquer my fear of tarantulas. I'm still not able to hold one, but I did run across a blog with a picture of them crawling up a house in Austin and I didn't puke or hyperventilate. I'd say that's progress.
• Learn to do a pole inversion. Oh yes my little pole fairies, I inverted many times last weekend. done, finito, completo.
• Take a minibreak by myself. I still didn't do this. Damn.
• Accept my fertility fate. I accepted it back in late Spring. I'm not fertile. I will not reproduce. I'm okay with that.
• Begin at least one of the online projects I've dreamed up in 2007. Not only did I not start one, I've created more...what can I say, I'm innovative.
• Dance....Yep. Always. Like no one's watching.

And now, my 2009 Personal Goals:

• Gain SMILF Status (from someone other than my husband). I want heads to turn when I walk into a room. I'd like winks and flirtations even if I have no intention of acting on them. I'm cute now; I want to be hot by the end of '09.
• Speak publicly. I know. Seems like a huge departure from SMILF doesn't it? I'd like to take some of my subject matter expertise (stepmotherhood and social media) and get out in front of people and talk. If you're able to help make this happen, let me know :-)
• Be a little more selfish. I don't know if it's nature or nurture, but moms always tend to get the shit end of the stick when it comes taking time for themselves. I'd like to change that in 2009. I want to stand up for my time while also being a good role model to my kids.
• Be a better daughter, granddaughter and sister. My grandmother's health is ailing and my mom's could be too if she's not careful. These women, including my 15-year-old sister, are my lifeblood. They are my support system. They are my rocks. I cannot let them down.
• Give back to people. I love helping people out. I'm your classic nurturer. I'll create social networks and blogs until the end of time if it helps some other woman just like me out. In 2009, I want to go big or go home.
• Stop seeking validation (except for parking). I had a revelation this week while driving home. I realized that one of the reasons I push myself so hard to do a lot of things is that I'm seeking validation from certain people in my life. My mom (and this is why I love this woman) reminded me that their inability to recognize these things about me is their problem, not mine.
• Complete a Triathlon. I love swimming and ever since getting my bike this past summer, I've been an avid biker. I'm going to start training in 2009 and hope to do a sprint distance triathlon in summer 2009.
• Fit (comfortably) into size 10 jeans. Right now, I've lost enough weight to fit into my size 14 "skinny jeans." I used to be in size 18s up until a few months ago. I'm fairly comfortable in this skin I'm in but I'd like to be trimmer and healthier. I've gone down 2 sizes in 3 months. I think I can knock another 2 out of the park by Spring.

So that's it. That's my list of personal goals for 2009. What's on your lists?

It's not too late to enter to win The Career Girl's Guide to Becoming a Stepmom

Don't forget ladies (and any gentleman reading), if you'd like to enter to win a copy of Jacquelyn B. Fletcher's A Career Girl's Guide to Becoming a Stepmom the deadline is Dec. 15, 2008.

Just a refresher on "the rules"

• Subscribe to this blog (1 point) if you already subscribe (yey!) give yourself the point.
• Visit Becomingastepmom.com (1 point)/ Bonus point if you leave a comment
• Post on your blog about the give-away, pointing people to this blog post. (1 points)
• Leave a comment on this blog post with your total points and your blog's URL.

For those blogless ladies, swap in joining Stepchicks (http://stepchicks.ning.com/) as the posting on your own blog and email me your total points.

Any questions? Let me know....

S.A.D. Follow-Up: How to Deal with Seasonal Affective Disorder

After my S.A.D. post earlier this week, I had several people mention that they or someone they knew suffered from Seasonal Affective Disorder.

After a little digging, I found a little more information about it:

According to KidsHealth.org, it's estimated that 6 out of every 100 people are afflicted with S.A.D. Females tend to be more prone to the illness and it can be hereditary.

As for living with someone who has it, eHow has a 7 item list on How to live with someone who has Seasonal Affective Disorder. The list includes points such as learn about the disorder so you understand it, be supportive, and do not tell the person who has it to cheer up or get over it.

The New York Times also had a comprehensive fact sheet on its website in particular the risk factors associated with S.A.D.

As for diagnosing S.A.D., AllAboutDepression had a list of diagnostic criteria. It should be noted that S.A.D. isn't a separate illness, rather it is a seasonal pattern.

Are you a S.A.D. Stepmother?

I have a confession to make: I have Seasonal Affective Disorder. I've been dealing with the winter blues for most of my adult life which is apparently typical of this mood disorder.


According to MayoClinic.com, the symptoms of Fall/Winter Seasonal Affective Disorder (when the blues occur in the cold months) include:

• Depression
• Hopelessness
• Anxiety
• Loss of energy
• Social withdrawal
• Oversleeping
• Loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed
• Appetite changes, especially a craving for foods high in carbohydrates
• Weight gain
• Difficulty concentrating and processing information

Of those symptoms, I'm currently experiencing everything except oversleeping.

I have found, since meeting my husband, that stepmotherhood has exacerbated my S.A.D.

When I was a single girl and the blues kicked in, I just stayed in more and buried myself under warm blankets and watched movies. I would usually stay that way until it warmed up or when I had a good reason to leave the house other than for work.

Since moving in with my man and his two kids, I've discovered that I can't just hide myself away from the world the same way. People rely on me for things now, be it meals, companionship or parental supervision.

I'm also the the "rock" of the family. I'm the shoulder everyone cries on, the emergency swooper-inner, and the words-of-encouragement giver of my brood. Usually, I enjoy my role in our family. That is, until winter sets in. Those feelings of hopelessness and anxiety combined with the social withdrawl I experience during the winter make it extremely difficult for me to be the same person year-round.

There are several therapies or coping strategies for Seasonal Affective Disorder including

• excercise
• let the light in
• socialize
• manage stress

One of the things I know about myself is that I have anxiety issues. There are probably a dozen reasons why but they don't matter as much as how I deal with them.

Starting now, one of the ways I'm going to combat my anxiety is to not push myself so hard to be Mrs. Super-Fantastic-Overachiever.

While I think it's a good idea to push yourself, doing it all of the time will just burn you out. And burnout and depression don't mix.

I'm going to manage my stresses by concentrating on things that are fulfilling. A fellow stepmom blogger and I have an idea that needs some nurturing right now. I'm really excited to tell everyone about it once we're able to announce it.

I've also found something of a partner to work with me on another idea I have for my other blog. This idea needs some TLC as well and I plan to make an annoucement about it the spring.

I've definetely been socializing, although in a geeky way. I regularly Twitter (twitter.com/Ehal76) and am on Facebook quite often. I've even taken the reins of organizing a 15-year high school reunion this summer.

My ability to now do pole inversions is going to keep me in the gym, too. Apparently I have something of a weak core and I mean, really. Who wants one of those?

In the medical world, having a treatment plan is half the battle to recovery. The other part is having support. If you, or someone you know, experiences Seasonal Affective Disorder, do me a favor and let me know.

I could use all the support I can get.

Inversion Diversion

We interrupt our regularly scheduled stepmom writing to bring you this pole dance newsflash:

I am doing inversions.

I repeat:

I am doing inversions.

I can go upside down on the pole now which totally rocks as it has been my pole trick nemesis for the past year.

My hamstrings aren't too thrilled with me, but it looks oh-so-sexy and I wanted to share with the class.

We now return to our regularly scheduled programing.

Blog seeks apt description

So by way of my other blog, I heard about this Typealyzer website that will do a quick Myers-Briggs analysis of your blog; all you have to do is type in your blog's URL.

According to the site, this is what The Erin Experiment is:

ISFP - The Artists

The gentle and compassionate type. They are especially attuned their inner values and what other people need. They are not friends of many words and tend to take the worries of the world on their shoulders. They tend to follow the path of least resistance and have to look out not to be taken advantage of. They often prefer working quietly, behind the scene as a part of a team. They tend to value their friends and family above what they do for a living.

What do y'all think? Do you agree? Disagree? Not care?

I love personality tests. I find them soothing beause most of them have been spot-on with their analysis of me which is that I'm a creative nurturer and I put a lot of people before me.

Don't believe me? Take my real personality type: ISFJ.

ISFJs are characterized above all by their desire to serve others, their "need to be needed." In extreme cases, this need is so strong that standard give-and-take relationships are deeply unsatisfying to them; however, most ISFJs find more than enough with which to occupy themselves within the framework of a normal life. (Since ISFJs, like all SJs, are very much bound by the prevailing social conventions, their form of "service" is likely to exclude any elements of moral or political controversy; they specialize in the local, the personal, and the practical.)

Anyone reading this that knows me well would say. "Oh good God Erin. That is SO you." It's almost eerie how spot-on the rest of the analysis of my personality type is, which you can find here.

Why is it?

Why is it.....

• I'm the only one that seems to know how to put stuff away after dinner?
• I'm the only one my stepkids come to with a question when both my husband and I are noticeably working?
• I can't seem to calm my brain down long enough to decide what to do with my life?
• I can't seem to say no to anything?
• I stay in Chicago, yet hate winter weather (oh yeah...nevermind)
• I snort when I laugh?
• I am so freaking impatient?
• I can't be content just doing one thing?
  

The perks of being a stepkid...

Heard while driving home from school this week:

My Stepson: "Stepmom, you know what's cool about me?"
Stepmom: "What dude?"
My Stepson: "I'm like the only kid that gets two Christmases"
Stepmom: "Are you okay with that?"
My Stepson: "I love it. I get twice as many presents"

High Anxiety

I am an anxious mess.

As I write this, my heart feels like it's going to pound out of my chest. My fingers are so jumpy it's a wonder I can type. I haven't done something stupid or major. I'm not pregnant or dying.


I'm just anxious.

Winter weather is one reason. I spun-out into a ditch a few years ago and have been petrified to drive, or even walk, in inclement weather ever since. When I hear that it's supposed to snow, my heart starts to pound rapidly. If forced with having to drive in the snow, I might as well drive to the hospital and ask them to hook me up the EKG because I feel like I'm having a heart attack.


The onset of Chicago's winter weather this week has put me near the edge. The rest of my life might just push me over.


I'm at that figurative fork in the road that people write self-help books about. I have big ideas and big dreams. Unfortunately, I only have a limited amount of time and funds to turn those big things running rampant in my brain right now into a reality.


It sounds like a cliche, but I'm trying to build a brand -- a name or place that is synonymous with my subject matter expertise: kick ass social media consultant and a stepmom blogger. Did I mention I wanted to start adding product reviewer to the mix?


Unfortunately for me right now, there's not a huge need for pole-dancing, social media blogging stepmothers.


My anxiety exists because I'm trying to figure how to make all of these things happen together and on the same playing field.

In my perfect world, www.erinerickson.com would exist and on it would be portals for social media consulting, stepmom consulting, product reviews and advertising. I'd be able to write and consult because I'd built a brand that people always connected with my name.

In order to make my perfect world perfect, I have a list of things to do that I am somewhat clueless about:

• Buy domain name.
• Find and hire web designer to create landing page for site as well as bling my blogs.
• Start accepting advertising so that I can make a little bit of money.
• Sign up to do product reviews so, again, I can make some money.
• Find contributors to my blog(s) so that I'm not writing like a manic dog every evening.
• Convert all of this stuff that I love to do into a real job that pays the bills.

If I were sitting on a bunch of money, I could hire someone fairly quickly to take care of all of this. Unfortunately, I don't have a ton of money to spend so I'm left trying to figure out a lot of this stuff on my own.

And as soon as I try to sit and figure out how to design my site, find sponsors, do product reviews, etc. another idea pops into my head that reminds me how much I need to get these site(s) up and running.

It's a vicious cycle and it's making my head hurt and my heart race.

I'm glad I have that go-getter personality, but right now, as my mind races around thinking about all of things I need to do that I don't know how to do all I can try to mutter is this:

Send help.

Book Review + Free Book Give-Away: A Career Girl's Guide to Becoming a Stepmom

Have you ever read a book that changed the way you look at things? Right now, I'm reading Jacquelyn B. Fletcher's A Career Girl's Guide to Becoming a Stepmom and I feel like a changed woman.

I had been in contact with Jacquelyn by way of another project and mentioned that I'd love to do a book giveaway on my blog. Wonderful woman that Jacquelyn is, she sent me a copy to review and a signed copy to give away.

More on the give-away in a sec. I have to tell you all about this book.

Whether you're new to being a stepmom or have been at it for years, this book offers valuable insight into the minds of stepmothers throughout America.

From finances and wills to biological babies and exes, she writes about these topics in a tone that makes you feel like you're having a intimate conversation over coffee rather than reading a book. I was so engaged in the research and anecdotes, that I finished the book in less than 24 hours.

My favorite paragraph from the book reads:

"When I'm feeling sorry for myself, I sometimes think negative thoughts, such as 'Well I didn't choose to run out and have kids. I wasn't the one who decided to get married so young and have children. So why do I have to deal with someone else's decision? It's not fair!"

How many stepmoms have thought or said that very same sentiment?

It's amazing to me to see how many women have shared so many similar experiences. In addition to making you feel like you're not alone, you finish the book with a handful of strategies for how to better cope with typical stepmom stressors. Even better, Jacquelyn has a blog, www.becomingastepmom.com that picks up where the book left off.

I give this book five steps (out of five) the Erin Experiment scale.

And, because it's the holidays and I want to spread good cheer, I'm giving away a copy of Jacquelyn's book. But, there are a few "rules":

1. Subscribe to this blog post (1 point) if you already subscribe (yey!) give yourself the point.
2. Visit Becomingastepmom.com (1 point)/ Bonus point if you leave a comment
3. Post on your blog about the give-away, pointing people to this blog post. (1 points)
4. Leave a comment on this blog post with your total points and your blog's URL.

The lovely lady with the most points by December 15 wins. I will mail you the book so that you have it by the time the kids are out of school for the holiday break.

I know a few of you may not have blogs. For those ladies, swap in joining Stepchicks (http://stepchicks.ning.com/) as the posting on your own blog and email me your total points.

In the event of a tie-breaker, I will post an announcement on Twitter and Facebook. The first person who responds to the announcement is the recipient

Any questions about the contest, the book, life in general? e-mail me

Dear Santa, Please Bring Good Cheer This Year Instead of Gifts

Oprah's doing it, the people in this Chicago Tribune article are doing it, even we're doing it: toning down the Christmas gifts this year in lieu of good cheer and gratitude.


I know a lot of families are doing the same thing. With the economy in the crapper, parents all across the country have had to tell their kids what no kid wants to hear: Santa doesn't have enough elves to make all the toys so we have to keep our list shorter this year.

In the past couple of years, my husband and I have come up with creative ways to handle the I-want-Santa-to-bring-me-this-itis that creeps in around Christmas. The one that seems to have stuck the best is something I overheard on the radio, or at the garage, I'm not sure:

While Santa does read your letter and bring you presents, he also sends Mommy, Daddy (and Stepmom) a bill for all of the presents that he delivered. So we still have to watch how much we ask him for.

This seems to have worked with my stepson. He has been known to taper his list once he realizes that Mom, Dad and I do have to pay for everything.

This year, we're still sticking with the "bill" concept. My husband and I have a set limit that we're spending on the kids this year and while we won't reveal to them what it is, we are trying to discourage them from asking for extravagant gifts.

Because it is a blended family, trying to encourage gratitude instead of material things isn't just up to my husband and I. Everyone has to be on board and sometimes, when you're in a blended family, that isn't as easy as you'd think.

When I wrote about how stepmoms have to hop on board previous family traditions, Christmas is a huge part of that. If mom is huge on presents, then you might want to do that to or risk looking like a greedy, money-hording stepmom.

If you want to teach good tidings and cheer, go ahead and do that in your house, but better clear that with mom first so she doesn't think Dad or stepmom are trying to shortchange the first family.

It's tough to be a stepmom around the holidays. You want to set a good example and teach the children well, but you also want to maintain tradition and not rock the boat.