Christina's doing it.
Halle's doing it.
Nicole's doing it.
My entire journalism association board is doing it.
Heck, even my husband's buddy's wife who was practically divorced from her husband last year is doing it --
WHY CAN'T I BE PREGNANT?
It was hard enough to lose the pregnancy, but to now hear about everyone else who is pregnant is becoming almost too hard to bear.
I think what makes me feel more sad is that my husband and I have decided to hold off on even thinking about trying again until we can find peace within ourselves. Unlike those couples who start right away again after the miscarriage, we've come to the determination that if we can't find peace, we can't even begin to think about trying. My head knows this is the right choice; I just wish my heart would listen.
My husband made a great observation about my former pregnancy; something I wish I could intellectually wrap my head around more: I don't miss the embryo that wasn't even a fetus yet, I miss the idea of being pregnant and what it represented. I miss the new beginning that the pregnancy represented; the hope of a new experience.
I wish I could be happy for these people. Deep down I really am and wish them all the best, but for now, I just wish I could wrap myself up in protective bubble wrap so I don't have to see a pregnant woman, hear about a pregnant woman or see a small baby or child. They all remind me of what my husband and I lost and that makes me sad. Incredibly sad.
I wish I knew when this sadness would lift. Some days I feel like I'm doing better, some days I feel like I need Prozac. Every day I realize it's just me handling the grief and the hormones that are still surging throughout my body. I look forward to quieting the sadness that rages from my insides.
Right now, I just wish for peace; peace and quiet.