When my husband and I set out to try and have a baby – even before we started trying -- I proclaimed that I wasn’t going to let it take over my life and that if it wasn’t meant to be, it wasn’t meant to be. I didn’t want to spend my 30s wishing and hoping for a baby that might never come. I’ve already got two great (step)kids at home. Having a baby would be a nice addition to our family, but it won’t make or break me.
I told my husband I’d be willing to try for only so long and to a certain extent. When we first got married I told him I’d stay on the roller coaster for 5 years and then call it quits. Age, love of travel and the truth of raising children has now brought that 5-year window down to 2 years. As for reproductive assistance, I’m only willing to go so far as Clomid. If that doesn’t work, then so be it. My mom and stepdad tried for 5 years to get pregnant and were constantly disappointed until IVF produced them two heirs – a boy and a girl. That was 14 years ago and I still have the (emotional) scars from my mom’s Pergenal shots.
Always one to see the light at the end of the tunnel, I made a deal with myself (and with my husband). Two years from now, if we haven’t succeeded with the Erin Science Experiment then we’re embarking on the most relaxing, selfish and romantic tour of Italy we can afford. I love Italy and will no doubt need a period of time to reprogram my brain from babymode to only-9-more-years-til-the-stepkids-are-grown mode.
This is the deal I made with myself. Baby or Italy. Personally, I think it’s a mature attitude to take. I may be barren, but I’m not dead. I refuse to let that one component of my life rule my life.
My baby-angst aside, people make deals with themselves all the time…. I’ll do X if Y doesn’t happen.
What are your deals?