Defining Normal

Do you ever find yourself asking yourself and others what is normal? I know as stepmoms, we often want to know what a normal stepmom behavior or a normal stepmom response is.

As a wife, partner, child, worker-bee, etc. do you ever find yourself asking: Is this normal?

Recently, someone close to me brought up something that was difficult for both of us. It was difficult for me to hear and difficult for the person to say outloud. It was about a behavior I'd been engaging in and it wasn't healthy for me in the long term.

I was aware of this behavior and had been trying to deal with it on my own, but having someone else bring it to light and tell me they thought a little less of me because of it was heart-breaking. I wanted to crawl under my basement steps and die.

Post-conversation, my brain has been running wild with various emotions and reactions. "How dare you...." is one; "Fuck you" is another; "Thanks for letting me know you feel this way" is one I can't believe I mustered and "Is this normal?" is the most perplexing.

I grew up with dysfunction. I had one bio-parent that showered me with love and another that showered me with criticism. "You're too fat,"  "You need to get better grades" "Why can't you be more like your friend?," "You look better thin," and "You'll never get married if you continue to eat like that" were some of the harshest things I heard growing up.

It didn't take long for me to believe what I heard. People who were supposed to love you unconditionally talking like that became my normal. I have a feeling hearing that growing up is what contributed to my thick stepparent skin.

As a wife and a stepmother, I hear a lot of things that get under my skin: do this, don't do that, do this better, don't do this at all, step back, be seen not heard, etc. Having grown up hearing I was a good person if I fit a certain mold made me believe that as an adult, I needed to fit into another particular mold in order to be considered good.

Intellectually, I know that's not the case. I am an all around good person who doesn't always do everything the way someone else wants it done.

Yet I can't shake feeling like this person was right to tell me "I think less of you because you're doing this." It needed to be brought out in the open so not just me was aware of it....right?

I keep wanting to ask anyone who will listen "Is that normal? Would you put up with that?" because I myself can't determine what's normal or not.

Being Blended: A Stepkid's Point of View

The majority of my blog posts focus on my life as a stepmom; however, had blogging software been available when I was a teen, I'm sure I would have had a stellar blog about being a stepchild. I was so full of angst I could have -- and did -- scream.

I felt like my world had been torn apart when my mom and father divorced (even though I expected it) and when my mom met my stepfather....let's just say I felt like I was being punished by God. I could never do anything right in the eyes of my stepfather. I was always getting yelled at for this, that and the other and I was this close to running away.

At the time, I felt like my stepfather hated me. I was sure his raised voice and demands that I clean my room and do my homework were his own brand of wickedness. Of course, I was a teen-ager and anyone who demanded anything of me was sure to feel my rage.

I know now that my stepfather was really looking out for my best interests. He knew -- maybe better than anyone -- that I was a smart girl who did not-smart things. His insistance that I clean my room seemed like a death sentence when I was 14. Twenty years of that habit later, I can't leave my bedroom without my bed being made and my room picked up.

My stepdad did more for me than instill a good cleaning ethic. He also reminded me -- and still does -- the lengths a non-biological parent can go to care. It was my stepdad's insurance that paid for half of my extremely expensive reconstructive jaw surgery when I was 16; it was my stepdad that helped foot the bill for college even though he himself never went and it was my stepdad that reminded me -- but never said outloud -- that blood doesn't make you a better parent.

Whenever I feel eyeball deep in my own stepmom stuff, I try to take a time-out and remember how easy my stepdad made it look for me. I never realized the pain that he may have been going through. I just thought about my own and made damn sure everyone else knew I wasn't happy with the arrangement.

I ask you, my favorite ladies, to put yourself in your (step)kids' shoes for a second. How would you react to the things going on around you?

Peggy and I will be talking about this topic on tonight's Stepmoms Toolbox Radio Show. We'll be talking with Traci Dority who is a stepmom and a stepchild. Traci is also working on a movie about blended families which we'll talk to her about tonight, as well as the journey of going from a stepchild to a stepmother.

Tune in tonight, August 30 at 8 p.m. Eastern for Growing up Blended with special guest Traci Dority.

Call in at (347) 843-4229 or log in at
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/thestepmomstoolbox/2010/08/31/the-stepmoms-toolbox-growing-up-blended

Something Wicked This Way Comes

Photo: Microsoft Clipart

I've long prided myself in being a good stepmom. I clean up puke, throw a good birthday party and I stay out of the way as needed -- in the grand scheme of things, I think I'd give myself a solid A in Stepmomming.

However, with my oldest stepkid starting high school this year, I can't help but notice the feeling that I'm ready to be an empty-nester. It's as though high school has become the gateway drug to a life of peaceful, quiet togetherness my husband and I dream about.

While some people have fantasies about Bradley Cooper, I fantasize about waking up with my husband on a random Thursday, reading the paper, drinking some coffee and going for a nice long walk without having to worry if the kids are okay back at home.

I'm ready to not have to worry about the little things. I'm ready to talk to my stepkids on the phone and ask how dorm food is. I'm ready to show up for Parent's Weekend of College of Choice University and down a cold one with my now legal stepchild. I'm ready for it to be just my husband and I.

And because I'm hungry for coupledom and solitude, I feel like I must be a wicked stepmom. I worry that I  shouldn't feel this way. I worry that people will read this and think "Good GOD -- WHAT A BITCH! She doesn't want those kids around!!!!"

That couldn't be farther from the truth. My stepkids are the cat's pajamas. They're great kids whom I lucked out in getting to parent.

If I could do some arm-chair analysis right now, I think it has more to do with my husband and I getting along fairly well right now and my wanting to spend time with him to hone that bond we seem to have going. Like every other blended couple, we never had that "just us" time and because of his work schedule, we have even less of it. While most couples can hire a sitter for a mid-week "date night" my husband and I can't.  We jam as much family togetherness as we can into our 36 hours together so that it lasts until the next week (or two) until we see him again.

I don't mind the family togetherness...I enjoy game night, post-karate demonstrations and Stepmom's Special Sunday Morning Lemon Sugar-Cookie Pancakes. They're traditions I don't want to give up. I just wish we could fast forward past high school and into college -- where everyone is on their own and less dependent on one another.

Back to my main point, being am I a wicked stepmother because I want my husband all to myself? Am I living up to Hollywood's expectation of a stepmom that looks forward to the kids being away at school?

Help!

Action Plan for Being a More Content Stepmom

I'm the type of person that sees tips and strategies and picks up the pen to start taking notes. Be a better gardener…Where do I sign up? Learn to love your thighs…show me the way to the massage cream and exercise equipment.

Be a Content Stepmom...Heck yes! What do I need to do?

Partnering with Peggy Nolan to co-host the Stepmom's Toolbox Radio Show was one of the healthiest choices I made for myself this year. Peggy is a stepmom and a stepkid and she has a heck of a lot insight. She also has a lot of great connections all of whom we interview on our show.

In the seven months we've been on air, I've developed something a list of ways I can improve myself – from being a better stepmom to being a better wife or a better person.

I liken the list to an action plan I might have at work. The plan helps me stay on task toward being a healthier, more content version of myself; not a nearly wicked nag that I wouldn't want to befriend.

Consider the following tasks if you're looking for contentment:

Action Plan Item #1 Don't Take it Personally
When you take things personally, you're making other people's issues about you. If your stepkids (or partner or his ex) lashes out at you for something that was clearly out of your control, recognize and repeat after me: I'm not going to take it personally.

Exercise: Keep a "Don't Take it Personally" journal. Record the instances where you felt compelled to take something personally. Pay close attention to the trigger and your emotions.

Action Plan Item #2 Affirm yourself
Stepparenting can be a thankless job that even with the best antidepressant can leave a person feeling hopeless. To become a more content stepmom, assess yourself and your feelings. Why did something make you upset? Did you take something personally? Did you feel like there was an element of truth to what the person said?

Exercise: Challenge yourself to write daily affirmations
Ban the bad talk; instead, write down a daily affirmation that you can keep within reach at all times. The daily affirmations will remind you that you're not the bad person some people may want you to believe you are. Some examples to get you started: I am a good person; I am a loving parent; I will not let other people's issues control me.

Action Plan Item #3 Remember: You are not the Mom or the Dad.
Regardless of if the Bio-Mom is a crack head and Dad is an emotionally unavailable dork, a very important rule to remember for stepmom sanity is that you are not Mom or Dad – do your best to not act like one. While seemingly admirable, some stepmoms have a tendency to try to overcompensate or overparent to make up for the biological parents' dysfunctions. As a stepmom, you may feel like this feels like the right thing to do. While being over-loved has rarely hurt anyone, overparenting and overcompensating hurts you.

Exercise: Keep track of your Mom/Dad behaviors.
As women, we're going to trend to want to swoop in and rescue the children when life has deal them a blow. If you're making phone calls to the doctor's office because Dad can't be bothered or remember, step away from the telephone and write down what it is you're doing and how you're feeling. What you may start to notice is how much you're doing for them and not for you.

Action Plan #4 Remember your spouse.
You remember your honey, right? The whole reason you got married/coupled up. At one point in your relationship, you two couldn't get enough of each other. You were wrapped up in a love cocoon and no amount of stepfamily drama could have made you wince. For this action plan item, I want you to get back to your couple time.

Exercise: Erect a Step Couple Bubble
Obviously, I'm not talking about a real bubble, but an emotional one. Work on getting back to that place where it was just the two of you in your love cocoon. Set aside time and real thought to what you and your partner love about each other and how you're going to combat the drama.

Action Plan #5 Kill the Martyrdom
Does this sound like you: I'm tired, I'm worn out and no one appreciates what I do for my stepfamily. Why can't anyone say thank you? Let me tell you a secret: You're not hearing thank you because everyone loves a martyr. So long as you're giving up pieces of yourself for other people, no one is going to tell you to stop. Why would they? You're doing for them what they don't need to do for themselves. If you want to feel better, you need to put an end to the martyrdom and take care of yourself first and foremost.

Exercise: Access your feelings and find a good support system
If you feel you're giving too much, then take that feeling seriously. Your feelings don't lie. Get in touch with those feelings and really dig to the bottom of why you're sacrificing yourself and not practicing self care. While you're examining those feelings, be sure you're rallying with supportive people. As any recovering martyr can tell you, it takes a village to help a person put an end to their martyrdom.

Would you believe I've learned all of these tips from the Stepmoms Toolbox Radio Show? It's been a tremendous help to talk and listen to our wonderful guests (many of whom are contributors to StepMom Magazine). If you'd like to hear more of what they have to say, you can download our previous shows on www.blogtalkradio.com/thestepmomstoolbox or bookmark the page for upcoming show dates. 

The preceding was included in StepMom Magazine. You're subscribed, right?

A Stepmom Walks into a Card Section...

The other day I was shopping at my local WalMart for an anniversary card. The anniversary card section stark; however, there was a sizeable section of cards marked just for moms.

I scanned the rack hoping I'd find a card -- even if just one -- that talked about the joys of being a Stepmom.

Nothing.

Nada.

The cards were non-existent and I left the store with the pictures on my iPhone, a bad taste in my mouth and an idea.

"Screw Hallmark" I scowled as I walked to my car.

I jumped on Facebook soon after and started to report my disdain for the cards that one could buy for a mom with sagging boobs or nursing nipples. Where was the card for me, Ms. Stepmom, who withstood mental batterings, crushed hearts and toes and had perfectly erect nipples?

WHERE?????

Ms. Brigette turned me on to Zazzle.com where I immediately (a week later) started my own shop. I'm starting slow mostly because I'm practically comatose from a bout of strep throat I'm trying to get over, but I'm open for ideas. You supply the witty sayings, I'll give you a cut of any profits I/we make.

If you look to the right of the page....now up a little bit....you'll see my Zazzle store. Isn't it cool? It needs a lot more stuff. So far I've got three things (one of which I don't even know if it will show up because I used the word "bitch" in a card).

Please pretty ladies, send me your ideas. Let's show Hallmark that they shouldn't piss off the Stepmamas of the world.

Want to Stop Being an Angry, Stressed Out Stepmom? Take the Power Back

I've found myself commenting a lot lately on blog posts where stepmoms have talked about being upset about something in their stepfamily. When StepMom magazine featured its Ask the Experts panel on Facebook, I had to sit on my hands to not type in responses.

What I wanted to say to these women -- and to all women who are struggling with anger and frustration in their stepfamilies is: take the power back.

I have the good fortune to have gotten past my anger. Of course, it's taken me seven years, an anti-depressant, 20 Stepmoms Toolbox Radio shows and countless emails with the Stepmom Posse, but I'm past it.

And it really has made the difference in how I see things when it pertains to my role as a stepmom and my family.

I've noticed a few of angry or stressed stepmom themes:

• Husband leaves/wants me to discipline the kids
• I'm afraid the step-kid(s) will be permanently screwed up if I'm not involved
• That bitch be crazy and I am forced to deal with her

If I told you that you can stop the anger and stress by doing one thing, would you believe me?

I know I've stressed this on the blog comments I've left, but I also know that the experts on the panel said the same thing: Take the power back.

Seriously. Take. It. The. Fuck. Back.

My stepdaughter is planning her birthday party (#14 WOOT!) at present. She's got a spending limit for the party, invites, food and the remainder is her birthday present. She can choose to blow the whole thing on her party or she can go half and half, 60/40, 70/30, etc. . She has all of these great ideas, but they cost money. Her father and I keep reminding her that she's essentially giving away her birthday presents to people when she loads more "accessories" into her party.

Her plight is apropos of the point I'm trying to make. If you're stressing out over giving away your birthday money (time, effort, blood, sweat, tears, etc.) take it back! It's yours to give as you want. If you don't want to give your power away, then don't! Hold on to it for dear life if you have to.

::::::::

All three of the common issues listed above have a common thread most women are hesitant to stir up trouble with: The Partner. 

"He's too busy"
"He travels a lot"
"He's given me the authority to do that"
"He prefers I do that"
"He can't take the time to deal with it"
"He's afraid of making the kid(s) upset"
"He's afraid of making her upset"

There was one word I used in every single one of those examples: He

Your partner -- He's the one that needs to figure out how to deal with the issues his ex/kids' mom is bringing to the table. THEY are the ones that brought the child(ren) into the world. If mom is absent or dead, then it really is up to Dad to deal with the issue(s).


I've seen so many stepmoms -- including myself -- get caught up in the "But, _______ needs me."

I'm sorry darlings, but no, ________ doesn't need you. We all tend to concoct this idea that as stepmoms, we're the antidote to the divorce poision. If we sacrifice our own happiness (or time, sanity, etc.) for everyone else, then we'll go to heaven after we've lived somewhat-happily ever after.

Back up the truck. Huh? Does that make any logical sense to anyone? Don't be happy now but be happy later. Why would anyone want to do that? I'm sorry. I choose to be happy now...and later.

I used to think if I helped everyone in my stepfamily out by scheduling this and that, fixing some of those, worrying about some of that, transporting Kid A here and Kid B there (let's not forget Husband 1 from the airport every other Friday and Sunday), that I'd eventually be happy because everyone would appreciate me.

Um, yeah. It felt more like they took me for granted and I grew angrier and angrier.

I was so sick of being angry it was making me physically sick. The stress was giving me anxiety attacks among other ailments. To make it so I wasn't a person everyone would eventually loathe, I took the power back.

1. First things first, I stopped being a martyr. Repeat after me: no one likes a martyr. If you're doing something because you think someone (including your husband or stepkid) will be upset with you if you don't, you're martyring. STOP IT RIGHT NOW!
2. I started taking back my time -- from my family, from work, even the house. I work at home most days of the week. I can work until all hours if I'm not careful and that sort of midnight oil working makes for a really cranky Erin. So I stop working at 4/4:30. I shut down the email, go downstairs and start reading or doing something I like to do. Even if I only read for 15 minutes, I've at least given myself some "me" time and I'm a lot easier to deal with. 
3. I stopped bending over backwards for everyone. Sort of a sister to the martyrdom, I started to say no to things. My husband's travel schedule is hellish. He used to fly home on Friday nights at 11 p.m.  and then leave again on Sundays at 11 a.m. Would you believe I used to put things on hold -- dinners out, baby showers, visits with my mom, sister, etc.-- to get him to and from the airport. I was incredibly resentful that I was putting what I wanted to do on hold so that I could take care of him. Then I remembered that he's an adult and quite capable of figuring out how to get himself home or to the airport. Even that small thing has made a huge difference.
4. I started to realize that I was worth sticking up for. This one was probably the hardest to muster. I spent so much of my life feeling like I wasn't worth standing up for (even for myself) that I let things happen rather than argue it. The sum of all of these parts has been to realize that I'm worth taking some time for myself. I'm worth being treated with respect by my husband and his ex-wife and the kids.One of the most important parts of realizing I was worth sticking up for was also realizing that I also have the power to leave. Leaving my family would be the worst case scenario, but I'm willing to do that if it reaches a point where it feels like things can't be fixed. 

Taking the power back and by realizing I'm worth sticking up for (as is my time, my space, sanity, etc.)  has made all the difference. I know now that if something doesn't sit right with me and it's unable to be fixed, then the bags and keys are within arm's reach. It's no longer worth my time or my sanity to endure being treated like a second class citizen in my own home.

I've taken the power back. How about you?

Nuttin'

I had written a blog post last night; however, upon further inspection this morning, I decided it really sucked and would be embarrassing to publish. I compared stepmotherhood to the Wizard of Oz (among other things) and took a wouldn't-it-be-nice approach to everyone going about their day.

Sure, the post would have been nice if you needed a quick jolt of "what's she smoking?" but after reading it this morning, it seemed almost condescending....and I hate condescension.

So I bring you my Nuttin' post. Nuttin as in, I've got nuthin', or the slang, lazy version of, I have nothing to offer.

To be honest, I hate that I have nothing to say. I always wanted this blog to be a spot where people could pull up a post, ponder it for a few and comment about how they felt better knowing someone else felt the same way. Being alone more often than not and blogging under gag orders has really put a crimp in my blogging style...not to mention my content.

I guess there is something I can be proud of that's worth sharing: I've really enjoyed the new freedoms associated with standing up for myself more and not being a big ol' martyr. I would highly recommend everyone feeling resentful at the moment put down the martyr stick and come out and play because I feel a lot more content and less depleted than I have in a while.

So that's all for now. I did promise to write about the de-stressing techniques from last Monday's Stepmoms Toolbox Radio Show. I will still post them; however, I'm finishing up a book along the same vain and want to combine all of the things I've gleaned.

So while I'm fixin' to head on vacation to the Wisconsin Dells with the Griswalds (aka my mom, stepdad, brother and sister) next week, y'all help me think of what I can write about in the coming days, weeks and months okay?

Thanks loves!!

(p.s., my stepdaughter and I have been watching obscene amounts of Paula Deen on Saturday mornings and during our lunch "half-hour" at home. I think the Paulaisms are starting to creep into my vocab.)

Stress and the All By My Selfisms

For the past two weeks, I've lived a mostly single girl existence. The kids are with various family members and the husband has been out of town as well.

I've been all by myself and I've fallen in love with it.

That I've grown to love being by myself again has me worried. What's going to happen when the husband and kids come back to the house and I become resentful that I'm taking care of everyone again? I've done a pretty good job of stepping back and not being as involved, but my previous behavior as the uber-involved-stepmom gets me in trouble when someone wants me help out and uses the "you're a selfish person" card against me when I say no.

I lie awake at night and wonder at what point does being -- and doing things -- by yourself become the norm and at what point does it become necessary to have someone else around. In the month of July alone I've gone to my grandmother's funeral solo, attended couples/family picnics by myself, I've snaked our toilet three times, etc. Who needs a man when I've got capable self taking care of things?

And that feeling -- that wondering of if being alone is better than being lonely -- is stressing me out in a big way.

I think I'm also struggling with my relevance as a wife and stepmom.
I like being alone. I like the freedom to do what I want and to not have to answer to anyone. I like not having to write checks for things I don't agree with or not getting thrown under the bus when something happens. I like the independence and not having to constantly defend myself or my opinions.

Similarly, I've watched my family live without me in their lives these past two weeks and they've done just fine. I can put the martyrdom to rest now: my family is capable of doing just fine without my involvement.

Despite us being able to exist without one another, there are things I love about them that I don't want to ever give up: I love how it feels to have two kids in my life that I'm not blood related to that tell me they love me and that come up and hug me. I love tucking the youngest one into bed struggling to get out of his grasp because he wants me to lay down and watch a movie with him. I love crafting, baking, and watching silly movies with my older stepkid. I love that I have a guy in my life that knows hugs make everything better and who is one of the better kissers I've ever laid lips on.

So what's an all by herself girl to do?

Thus far, because all of this self-analysis is stressing me out, I've been practicing the stress reduction techniques Peggy and I learned with Chris this past Monday. They really do work well and I've been finding myself taking even bigger deep breaths lately. (I'm going to do a more thorough breakdown of the tips we learned in a post coming up, but I did want to plug in a mention that they do in fact work.) I'm looking forward to having the entire family back in one place for a day or so so I can gauge my happiness versus stress level.

But I do worry. How do I keep that balance of independent freedom that I've been loving lately while also being a worthwhile wife and stepmom for my family?

Thoughts? Suggestions?

Stepmoms: Stop the Insanity!

Erin Experimentland has been a rather dull place these days for a couple of reasons:

1. I'm the only one I'm taking care of (one stepkid is with a grandmother, one stepkid is with their mom, husband is far, far away)
2. Without any drama of the blended family variety, there hasn't been much that has inspired me to write.

I have been inspired, though, to borrow snippets from one of my favorite Stepmom friend's blog posts from this past week because I think it bears repeating: Don't get caught up in the assumption game!

Peggy Nolan writes on Are You Caught In the Assumption and Expectation Game? 

I went through many of the same things stepmoms go through – the need to be a super stellar custodial stepmom, to outdo, be more, be better than, and never, ever, ever make a mistake. I created my own recipe for stepmom burnout. Like you, I found myself angry, resentful, and hostile. I overlaid my own issues with my real mother abandoning me onto Junior’s mother. I couldn’t understand why she stepped out of the picture. I resented her and I felt bad for Junior.

So many of us (and yes, I lump myself in this category sometimes) think we know what's best for our stepkids and that if we don't try to fix what ails our families then our worlds will go to hell in a handbasket. We insert ourselves into matters that maybe we shouldn't. We think to ourselves "If I'm doing something to help the cause, then I'm proving my worth in this stepfamily AND I'm helping to guide my stepchild(ren) in the right direction."

Let me be the first (or the third, seventh, etc.) to tell you that you don't have to prove your worth in a stepfamily. You married your fella, you said I do, you took on a pre-set family. So long as you and the deity you chose to pray to feel content, that's all that matters. Do you think Moms or Dads have to prove their worth in the bio-family? (okay, maybe some do, but that's a whole different blog)

One of my favorite parts of Peggy's post is something I remind myself every day when it comes to my stepchildren: “you did not break Junior; you cannot fix him, you cannot change him. Your only job is to love him.” 

And isn't that really what it's all about? Shouldn't we, as Stepmoms, be content to just love our stepchildren and let it end there? Why must we feel the need to take over the entire family -- including parenting the children -- just to prove something?

I read Facebook post after Facebook post about Stepmoms caught up in custody battles and subjecting themselves to what I can only compare to war crime torture all because they feel like they need to prove to their husbands, stepkids, bio-moms and judges that they are right and they'll be the best stepmom this kid has ever seen or had.

To anyone reading that has gone through this, I have to ask: was it worth it? Was it worth completely draining yourself emotionally for all of these people? Does your family love you any more or better now?

My own stepfamily isn't perfect and we all need fixing. There are some in my family that need more fixing than others and as much as it pulls at my heart and soul to watch things become unraveled, I also know that I'm not Mom or Dad and that I can overwhelm my family with martyr-like behaviors and it still won't fix things. It will just break me. I now choose to remember the wise words that Peggy writes: “you did not break Junior; you cannot fix him, you cannot change him. Your only job is to love him.”

So that's what I'm going to do. I encourage my fellow stepmoms that struggle with feeling depleted to do the same. Stop the struggle. Pledge to love your stepchildren and let it end there. Challenge yourself to stop overparrenting and see how you feel. Do you feel better or worse?

If you find that you can't stop overpparenting, ask yourself why. What is it that would happen if you just stopped? It might reveal a lot about your motives and perhaps what you're feeling about yourself deep inside.

How do you decide when it's time for divorce?

A reader recently emailed me with an intriguing question. Not having personal experience with this one, I'm asking my favorite ladies if they have any advice they can offer:

I used to be madly in love with my husband, but now, I feel like I've become a bit distant and I'm sort of okay with that. We don't have a lot of the same interests that we used to have and it sometimes seems like the only common bond that we do have is that we both enjoy spending time with his kids. Talking to him about my feelings hasn't really worked very well. He gets defensive and/or will tell me that he won't change who he is. I'm at a point in my life where I don't want to spend the rest of it wondering should I have gotten divorced and moved on. How do you decide when it's time to say 'I'm ready for a divorce?'.

I know there are quite a few Erin Experimenters that have divorced. I must say, I myself am a bit curious. My marriage isn't perfect and I do sometimes reach a point where I wonder which is easier: stay or go?

If anyone has a story, advice, words of wisdom they'd like to offer this reader, we'd all be very appreciative.

xoxo